It's been a little while since I've had a chance to write, but after one more paper on Spiritual Disciplines on Sunday I will be done with freshman year of college! Whoop whoop! It's been a crazy, exciting year but there has also been many situations that have been more than uncomfortable. Those are the situations we grow from the most.
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One of these situations happened when I was sitting right outside my classroom waiting for the professor to arrive so I could go in. There were a group of friends sitting around me who were usually there conversing. I was slightly included, but I was checking in and out while well aware of the fact I had no clue what they were actually discussing. Then one of the guys who had been there every week quick chimed in and I heard,
"Are you married?"
Startled by such a random question I looked up to see who he asked that question to, only to realize he was looking directly at me. . .
Ok. Hold up for a second. Where did that come from?
Wait. . . Of course. . . Duh!
After 5 years of wearing my purity ring everywhere I go, someone actually asked about it! I quickly informed him with an awkward laugh that no, I was not married. It was my purity ring. That statement threw him for a loop because (apparently) not everyone had one of those things on their finger.
After explaining him to him that it was not a promise ring to a guy, (seriously?) I proceeded to brush the surface and explain it was a statement to myself that there are certain lines I won't cross before marriage.
I've never received such an awkward face in all my life but there it was. Then my professor showed up and I walked into class and I never saw his face again. But you know what? Maybe he had never thought about saving certain things for marriage before. . .
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A few days ago I was at the eye doctor for my annual exam during allergy season and, by golly, after 5 years of attending multiple appointments with the same man he looked down after pushing the eye equipment away only to ask me the same question!
"Are you engaged?!"
This apparently surprised him to see a ring on my finger, and in his defense, never had a reason to look at my hand before. In addition to that he was aware I'd been in a relationship for a while in past appointments, so that wasn't too much of a shock. That situation itself wasn't too awkward until he tried to make it less awkward for himself and proceeded to say things like,
"it's ok if you're not, you know. Or if you are. . ."
Thanks, Doctor Jason. I appreciate that. Ha! It was a good laugh but did I really need another reminder that I was no where near that road anyways, once more? Oh well, I took it for what it was and we made a joke out of it.
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As many of you are aware this past weekend was my town's annual Tulip Time festival. The weather was gorgeous and it was a record breaking year for attendance! I enjoyed my time and my nose shows that I got my fair share of sun!
In the weeks leading up to Tulip Time I was reminded of the fact I would be spending part of it on my own, something I am not very good at doing. You will never catch me at the mall alone; I will never sit down at a restaurant to eat a meal without someone else; and I will not attend a major event or festival by myself. I just can't do it- I feel way too awkward and uncomfortable!
I guess this year I was just going to have to suck it up and take every chance to enjoy the food and music uptown that I could.
That morning I worked at HyVee from 8-4 slicing over 3,000 hamburger buns for many of the vendors uptown, and once I got off work I ventured to my Grandma's house to change clothes and head to town. I was too tired to care about the fact I was alone at that point. I was just ready to be in the quiet and away from that piercing slicing noise from the bun machine. Yikes!
When I got to Grandma's and finished changing and redoing my hair I began the 20 minute walk in the fresh air uptown. I enjoyed it, actually. I wasn't bothered by being alone at all, and I actually had a good time that night. It may have taken weeks of mentally preparing myself for, but I was able to walk around town, sit in the grandstands without a friend and watch all the shows and even walk back home at the end of the day.
Being single and not having someone to share those fun moments with is tough, especially when it's been a year since you've been on your own. . . I was reminded this afternoon by a random thought that came to me:
Just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't embrace it and be happy.
I have a difficult time being content and enjoying this time of life. I'm not tied down by anything and I can do lots of things I've dreamed of doing without having any other commitments to plan around. However, I like having order in my life and that still sounds pretty amazing to me.
I've always hated getting this horrible pity looks from people when I'm in a store alone, getting food by myself, or one of the only people rocking the loner status at a big event. But this year I kept telling myself that this stage of life may only change once I've accepted that this is where God needs me right now. I can't expect God to change my situation until my heart has changed.
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All around me I see my best friends beginning new relationships and experiencing life to the fullest. Being bitter is not cool. I've tried that for a year. No one likes it and it doesn't do anything but show others you're sour. All it does is keeps you in an uncomfortable, hurting stage for longer than you want to be.
So I've started to be okay with my stage of life right now. I have no clue what's going to happen in the next month, and I have no idea what I'm doing, but at least I'm not bitter anymore and people don't see me as a sore loser because I'm not where I'd like to be.
Contentment is harder to deal with than constant burning instead of tanning. . . It's a step-by-step process, but it's gotta start somewhere.
I prefer to avoid the sayings that people post about just hanging around until Mr. Right shows up and hold onto the ones that say "I'm not finished right now because God is still carving ou His masterpiece".
"and whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
-Colossians 3:17
Sarah
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