Worldly Accomplishments Vs. A Heart Change

     Hey all! Welcome back to my blog. I'm coming to you with this blog by the window in my dorm room, thinking of all the exciting things that are to come within the rest of 2018!

     Fun fact: Missouri's weather is much crazier than Iowa's weather. While Iowa always seems to find a way to fit all 4 season into 1 week, Missouri goes back and forth every day. Yesterday is was beautiful and sunny, today it had a chance of snow. Tomorrow it will be 60 and sunny again. . . Someone explain to me how nature works, and let me know where to send my complaint letter. My closet is confused. My sweaters and T-shirts are being used the same amount recently and my body is also confused on if it is cold or hot.

     In other news, over Spring Break I was having a difficult time deciding what my next steps as a college student were going to be. I was restless and wasn't content where I was at in life. I take after my older brother in the sense that when I'm passionate about something I want the absolute best I can get. I want to get my bachelor of arts in Christian Counseling in 3 years by taking summer classes, and I want to take my master's degree online while working as a therapist with my free time. I wanted to get where I was going as quickly as possible and I wanted to reach the absolute top in my degree. I wanted this path, but only if I could be the best in every area along the way. I was ready for my career right now- Send me into the career field right now, I'm set.

     God has a bit of a sense of humor. While I was planning to transfer from Ozark and move back home this Summer to complete my bachelors degree online while working at my old job, things didn't go quite as planned. I had applied to Liberty University Online in Virginia, and I had my heart set on moving back home to finish my degree. Everything was going to be fantastic and I was so excited to get a jump start on working as a counselor. However, once I got back to school after break things didn't seem to fit together as well as I had hoped. I was confused and didn't know what to do. I wasn't hearing back from the school, and I needed to know what to do about signing up for classes and requesting a room for next semester. Finally, I decided to give it completely to God. I woke up one morning and just sat in bed praying before my roommate woke up. That was all I had left to do was pray. I'm not kidding you, less than 10 minutes later I received a message that let me know finances would work themselves out if I decided to stay at Ozark and finish my degree at Bible college. I was so happy I almost laughed and woke my roommate up. I wasn't even upset that moving back home didn't work out. I was excited to start a new journey at home, but I was even more excited to stay at Ozark because of this sure sign that this was where I needed to be.

     Fast forward a few days when I was telling my professors, advisors and RA's that I was staying on campus, and everyone was exploding with happiness. Every one of my friends hugged like they never had, and I felt at peace knowing what to expect for the fall. I'm going to end up taking some Summer classes to keep me on top of credits, and hopefully if I continue to take classes each Summer with 16-17 credit hours a semester I'll graduate a semester of what I was planning in May of 2020 with the rest of my friends from high school. Because I took a year off after high school and went to school part time I was a semester behind, but hopefully I'll be back on schedule with this new plan!

     What was even more crazy was my devotions the other night. . . I was reading about how easy it is to be burnt out on doing good things that we can't experience peace or joy to be able to keep on doing those good things. I have had friends tell me constantly throughout the past 2 semesters at Ozark that I need to slow down and simply "be." I can't keep pushing myself so hard that I never have any down time besides sleeping at night. Stressing about getting all A's isn't all its cracked up to be, and always thinking about the next assignment isn't always a healthy thing either. I ended up dropping one of my classes halfway through the semester and that was probably one of the best decisions I've ever made at Ozark. My stress levels dropped 50% and I was able to enjoy living in the present and focusing on the rest of my grades currently, along with having time to build relationships with friends. Within the next few days my roommate told me my mood had shifted completely and I was much more fun to be around.

     This semester has been a crazy journey as mentioned in my previous post and this one. I am on anxiety medication right now, and I am nearing my 4 week mark. They have helped my mind to calm down and to allow me to think clearly without having to rationalize every little thing that happens. I'm also much more clam when approaching certain situations that used to stress me out entirely. I've had a great support system along the way to help me with everything and to offer empathy each time I need help with things.

     This morning in one of my classes we discussed the spiritual disciple of worship and what that looks like. He brought up a point that we can't truly worship God until we identify what idols are in our life taking our attention away from Him. What things are in our lives that we seem to think will offer us true satisfaction that can only come from God? Until we have identified these things we cannot experience true satisfaction and contentment in Christ. One of those idols in my life is having to do so much that I feel accomplished. The idol of accomplishment is large in my life and takes up the entire windshield of the car I'm driving. It blocks my view of God as He sits beside me and tells me where to go and what path to take. He wants me to slow down and walk along the path rather than flying by all the scenery on the interstate with the radio blasting. He says "slow down and spend time with me. Only then will you be able to reach the end goal I have in mind for you. I can help you get there, but you have to spend time with me to have the ability to be all you can be."

     I'm reminded of the tortoise and the hare race from when I was a kid. Obviously, this story was a fable, but I feel like it holds great importance to my situation currently. The hare flew by so quickly and yet got distracted and ended up coming in second. The tortoise took his time and didn't worry about where everyone else was at, and he ended up reaching the goal.

     After coming to this realization and taking steps to lessen my load and fill up my spiritual cup I have been better off than I was at the beginning of this semester. Learning to say "no" to what I can't handle has been a massive relief. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing. Even if you're doing church work, you have to take time for yourself and make sure you're spending enough time with God. He needs to be in everything you do, or you're not doing something right.

     One of my friends here at school saw one of facebook posts about my word being "warrior" and reminded me and encouraged me that a warrior is not something you fully become. He told me not to become content where I am at, but to always strive to be more and more of a warrior each day. I remember those words every week when I find myself overdoing it and needing to slow down and change my focus back to God and ask Him to fix my eyes on Him and change my heart.

     From this lifestyle change has come some new adjustments to my next year of school. I have one more semester as a sophomore, and I'm enjoying every minute of it. I'm moving into a single room next semester, and I'll be able to focus on "being" more and continue to focus on the things I'm dealing with in life. I'll also be able to quiet my brain more easily. I'm also planning to be a lifegroup leader for the incoming freshman next year! I'm excited for this next step, and I'm anxious to see how God grows these few girls and myself over our time together!

     I love seeing how God works when you allow Him to guide you. I continue to see Him challenge and grow me. I keep coming to a place where I need to remind myself of who is in charge, but every time I am in more awe of Him than before!

Sarah