Feeling Low? Have You Tried ____?

Hey all! Welcome back to my blog!

     It's been a little while, but so much has happened!
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     A few Sundays ago I sang with the worship team for the last time before I leave for school. I didn't realize it'd be my last time until I went to give my availability for the next month and I realized that I'd be gone every time between then and when I leave! It was a sad realization, but I was able to look ahead to when I'd be home for break to sing and play with them.
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     One weekend in June our church was able to host the African Children's Choir for a Sunday evening concert and it was A-mazing! So many people came out and it was a beautiful and energetic concert. I was able to buy one of their shirts and I love sporting it for others to see and ask about. The energy those kids displayed and the love they clearly had for Jesus was emotional and real. It's a concert I will not forget about.
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     This past weekend I traveled down to Joplin, Missouri for orientation before school starts on the 18th. I was able to travel down with some family friends whose son is going to Ozark too. That made the trip go a lot faster and made it more fun.
     Orientation was great and I met lots of amazing people! Obviously there were many nervous students there that day so it was hard for me to find many people to talk to, but I'm sure once school starts it'll get better.
     I got signed up for classes over the weekend and I'm excited for that! I'm going to have a few specific Bible classes studying specific areas of the Bible, a class on personal evangelism and the best ways to bring up my faith with friends, coworkers, and how to grow in my own faith, as well as a class on the history of Ancient Israel. Another class I'll be taking is a class on the principles of christian discipleship and education. I'm not entirely sure what all this class will entail, but from what I gathered from my admissions counselor I met with is that it'll focus mainly on how we as Christians can grow in our faith and understand more specific parts of Christianity.
     As a Psychology major, this last class I signed up for will definitely be my favorite! I'm taking a class called Healthy Relationships. This class will cover the different issues and ways to resolve boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, friendships, marriages, and our relationship with God etc. It'll also cover how they work and different ways to strengthen these relationships. I'm super excited to take this class!
     I also joined the choir, so that'll be a good experience for me. I'm excited for that because their choir tours around to different places to perform! Touring around with a group is something I've always hoped to do in college and now is my chance to do so!
     I also found out who my roommate for college is and she seems very nice! We haven't met in person yet, but we've been able to text a little bit to get to know each other. She is also pretty involved with music!
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     Throughout all of this happening over the past few weeks I've been so busy I wasn't making the time for my quiet time like I should have been. . . I've noticed my anxiety coming on more often lately and I've been more easily depressed and saddened than usual. One of my best friends has been a great listener and he's given me some advice and listened when I needed to spill out lots of thoughts.
     The past few nights I've been up late in bed not being able to sleep with lots of things running through my head. One of the things that came to mind was how discontent I've been with life over the past few weeks/month. I ended up putting two and two together: feeling down and putting my quiet time on the back burner came hand in hand. . . When I realized how much I had been putting my quiet time and deepening my faith on the side so much made sense.
     Just because I'm going to a conservative mission/Bible based college does not mean I don't need to continue working on my own personal faith. I shouldn't ever stop!
     Jordan Lee Dooley has a website called SoulScripts and she has this organization for $7 a month where women across the world can come together and watch her Bible Study tutorial videos, read blog posts, download online devotionals, and visit with other women either in the area or across the world! I felt a tug on my heart after reading the testimony of one of the women who joined a few years ago, ad I decided to sign up! After signing up I sort of forgot about it all and didn't do too much on there. . . That is until I started feeling down about myself and more depressed than normal.
     Since I've started back up getting into a routine of spending more personal time with God and focusing on Him daily in prayer and meditation I've noticed my mood change and my anxiety resolve.
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     For the longest time I had really enjoyed any Bible studies I was involved in, any devotionals I'd been reading, and different faith-related youtubers I'd found recently. Once things got busy, however, I found myself falling away from the things that had kept my focus and I began to feel low and incomplete.
     I was reminded of this: "Once you experience the goodness of Christ you won't be able to live a day without it." That's totally true! I experienced that this past weekend and I'm anxious to begin finding my way back into personal, quiet time with God everyday! I'm praying that God will help me keep focused on following through with it even after I make the transition to college- when I'll need it most!
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    I'd encourage any of you that if you've been feeling down on yourself lately, or feeling as though your life is missing something, think about the last tim you spent time alone with God. . . I'm not saying you should all go read a chapter from the Bible and expect instant gratification and joy- definitely not. What I'm saying is you should spend time with God and figure out the best way you connect with Him. Don't turn your personal time into a daily checklist; turn your personal time with God into something you can't bear to go a day without!

"Such confidence we have through Christ before God."
     -2 Corinthians 3:4

-Sarah

Father's Day Thoughts: Prayer

Hey all! Welcome back to my blog!

     So yesterday was the day we celebrate those who play a special part in our lives; whether that role is one they still fill or one that has been empty for years, there is one Father who will never fail or need replacing.
     Yesterday I was enjoying my hammock and a good book outside with my 2 puppies (giant labs) on either side of me when one of my good friends in Kansas sent me a text. This conversation, as do many of ours, took a turn from talking about funny friend things to prayer and how much we take it (and God) for granted.
     We got to talking about how special prayer is, but how many people don't even realize the amazing gift of communicating with our Heavenly Father that is within us! The more I thought about it (while swaying back and forth in my hammock with slobbering dogs trying to give me kisses- note to self: next time tie the hammock higher up) the more I began to think about my own prayer life.
     Prayer should not be an ordeal we enter into once a week or every day to ask God for what we want and them continue on with our worldly lives.
     Mary Fairchild wrote in her own article titled "What Does the Bible Say About Prayer?" a list of basic principles about prayer earlier in April of this year.

1) Prayer is simply communicating with God—listening and talking to him. Believers can pray from the heart, freely, spontaneously, and in their own words.

     Communication has come a long way throughout the years. Way back when people were only able to talk face to face. Later on communication developed into writing letters, telegrams, and eventually phone calls from a store in town. Before long people were able to make phone calls from their own homes and as we all know, today we are able to text from wherever we are, video chat at the push of a button, and even instant message online.

2) Your prayers need not be wordy or impressive in speech:

"When you pray, don't babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered only by repeating their words again and again."(Matthew 6:7, NLT) 

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.(Ecclesiastes 5:2, NIV)

     Just like the first verse given states, we don't need to talk for 10 whole minutes hoping that this increases the chances of God hearing us. Oftentimes the sincerity of what we have to say dissolves the more we speak. Some of the most beneficial conversations I've had with people were when they were direct, no beating around the bush, and no one tried to impress the other.

     Sadly, I struggle with feeling as though my prayers are not always up to par due to the length, the way I speak, or even the amount of times I address God specifically throughout the prayer.

     There are times I struggle to find the words I want to use to describe how I feel or to really express my gratitude or praise for something (whether an answer to prayer or a request for prayer). I was frustrated with the amount of times I seem to struggle through prayer because it doesn't feel natural to me or I feel as though I've prayer the exact same way too many times and now it's dull and empty.

     While my friend and I were discussing this he said something that really stuck out to me:
"Think about it- when you don't know someone very well talking to them is a little awkward. . . but when you go and talk to a close friend the conversation goes very smoothly."
     This totally applies to our prayer lives! The more we talk to God on a regular basis (and not on account of a daily checklist and bunches of requests for things we think we need) to simply spend time with Him and talk to Him about what's been going on in our lives.
     We should be treating our relationship with God similar to a relationship with our friends or spouse etc. The more time you spend with them and the more you learn about them the easier it is to communicate and understand what they're saying to you. You may even notice their ways of communicating through hand gestures, or with eye movements from across the room when you can't always hear their voice.
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     Okay. Stop and pause there for a moment. Think about what you just read. How many of you read through that and thought of all the ways you will implement or have in your relationships on earth? Yeah. . . Except I was referring to our relationship with our Father in Heaven. . . The one who put the entire universe into existence and formed you from nothing. Why is it that when we receive relationship advice we never think to put that into practice with our faith?
     One of the most stated ways to improve relationships is through improving communication. Prayer is communication, right? Why aren't we putting more effort into our communication with God to improve our relationships with Him?
     In this article by Mary Fairchild, she gives another list of verses with reasons why we should pray.

3) "Keep alert and pray. Otherwise temptation will overpower you. For though the spirit is willing enough, the body is weak!" (Matthew 26:41, NLT)

Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. (Luke 18:1, NIV)

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. (Ephesians 6:18, NIV)

     Should we pray alone or in groups with other people? BOTH!

4) "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven." (Matthew 18:19, NIV)

"And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside." (Luke 1:10, NIV)

"They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers." (Acts 1:14, NIV)

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"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:6, NIV)

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." (Mark 1:35, NIV)

"Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." (Luke 5:15-16, NIV)

"Now it came to pass in those days that He went out to the mountain to pray, and continued all night in prayer to God." (Luke 6:12, NKJV)

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     One more thing that really stuck out to me about this conversation was when this sentence came up:

"Imagine treating our earthly fathers as we often treat God. . ." My heart broke when I came to the realization of what life would look like if I never spoke to my dad except for when I needed anything, how stressful it would be to make sure I used fancy words when we did talk, and I just ignored him when he tried to tell me anything at all.

     Why are stop signs at certain points in the road? To warn us that we need to stop or else something bad could happen, right? God constantly warns us not to do something or to move, and when we don't listen it's as though we're driving straight through a stop sign onto the busy interstate with cars coming 70 MPH from every direction. We're in for a major disaster.

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     What are some ways we can change some of those unhealthy communication habits we've made within our relationship with God?

     One way I've been working on renewing my communication with God is through random prayers throughout the day when I think of it. I don't want to force myself to pray and make it a task, more so I want to think of the blessing it is to be able to talk to God about anything right away. I don't need to go find my phone first, I don't need to write a letter, and I don't need to drive to His home before I can say what I need or want to say.

     When I've driving I do a vast majority of my thinking. Usually I talk to myself in my car so I figured why not talk to God? Whenever I've reminded of something or someone I need to pray about I simply pause my other thoughts and spend 30 seconds to 2 minutes simply approaching God about what's going on.

     Overtime this becomes a habit and now I hardly need to remember to pray because it is something that comes much more easily to me now.

     In addition to this, I also believe it is powerful to pray with people in the moment they confide in you. Why wait until you are home to pray for the person and the situation you just heard about? God hears our prayers even when our eyes are open, when we are standing in a room full of people talking loudly about who-knows-what, and no matter the length of time we speak.

     I've mentioned before my breath prayers I was taught during my time in counseling. The breath prayer I still use on occasion is "let go, let God." 4 words that helped me through a dark time in my life. It was repetitive, short, and usually it wasn't even said outloud. God was still with me everytime and He heard each of those prayers.

      Over the past few months I've begun to notice God is more areas of my life, and I notice things He is doing around me that I may not have noticed had I not started spending more quality time with Him.

     There is no right or wrong way to pray really, just be careful not to become prideful or hasty in how you approach God. There is nothing wrong with bringing our requests before God, but remember that we ourselves become frustrated when people only come to us with things they need rather than simply to spend time with us.

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     Prayer is an amazing gift! I pray that all of you would take something from this and be challenged to spend more time communicating with God on a regular basis- not asking God, but communicating.

     "But God has surely listened and has heard my prayer."

-Psalm 66:19

Sarah

Living the Aunt Life- Kisses and Smooches

     Hey all! Welcome back to my blog!

     As I write this post I am excited to announce I am officially an aunt! Aunt Sarah- has a nice ring to it, don't you think?
     A week or 2 ago my older sister gave birth to her first born baby, a little boy she and Justin named Jonas Richard after my late grandpa Richard.
     He's a little nugget of cuddles and I love to give him multiple kisses and smooches on his adorably fuzzy head.

      Kidlet and I totally have to be quick on our feet if we want a chance to hold baby JT.

 

      I was pretty chill about meeting baby JT when I walked into the hospital room where he was, but once I got him in my arms I got this dorky smile on my face and I instantly wanted to smother him in kisses and cuddles. That's normal, right. . .?

     This lil' nugget has my whole heart! He's so sweet and innocent and I pray he grows up knowing he is loved and cherished- not only by those in his family but by His Father who created him and "knit him together in his mothers womb" Psalm 139:13.
     When I look at Jonas I'm in awe of the God in Heaven who created this piece of wonder. I think of those 9 months and 7 days he spent curled up in his mommas belly, being molded into the tiny human he came into the world as.
     I remember thinking to myself while Emily was pregnant, "I can't believe there's a baby in her tummy!" I'd seen many mothers before, obviously, but now it was totally new to me and I was so frightened to touch her belly before he was born. There was a real life thing in there and it was kind of weird, if I'm totally honest!
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     All in all, I've caught the fever and I'm waiting patiently for my turn to welcome a precious life into this world with my husband and hold him in my arms in the middle of the night. Life truly is a gift and little JT reminds me of this!

Sarah

     "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation."
-1 Peter 2:2

When Awkward Becomes Okay

Hey all! Welcome back to my blog!

     It's been a little while since I've had a chance to write, but after one more paper on Spiritual Disciplines on Sunday I will be done with freshman year of college! Whoop whoop! It's been a crazy, exciting year but there has also been many situations that have been more than uncomfortable. Those are the situations we grow from the most.
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     One of these situations happened when I was sitting right outside my classroom waiting for the professor to arrive so I could go in. There were a group of friends sitting around me who were usually there conversing. I was slightly included, but I was checking in and out while well aware of the fact I had no clue what they were actually discussing. Then one of the guys who had been there every week quick chimed in and I heard,
   "Are you married?"
     Startled by such a random question I looked up to see who he asked that question to, only to realize he was looking directly at me. . .

Ok. Hold up for a second. Where did that come from?

Wait. . . Of course. . . Duh!

     After 5 years of wearing my purity ring everywhere I go, someone actually asked about it! I quickly informed him with an awkward laugh that no, I was not married. It was my purity ring. That statement threw him for a loop because (apparently) not everyone had one of those things on their finger.

     After explaining him to him that it was not a promise ring to a guy, (seriously?) I proceeded to brush the surface and explain it was a statement to myself that there are certain lines I won't cross before marriage.

     I've never received such an awkward face in all my life but there it was. Then my professor showed up and I walked into class and I never saw his face again. But you know what? Maybe he had never thought about saving certain things for marriage before. . .

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     A few days ago I was at the eye doctor for my annual exam during allergy season and, by golly, after 5 years of attending multiple appointments with the same man he looked down after pushing the eye equipment away only to ask me the same question!

   "Are you engaged?!"

     This apparently surprised him to see a ring on my finger, and in his defense, never had a reason to look at my hand before. In addition to that he was aware I'd been in a relationship for a while in past appointments, so that wasn't too much of a shock. That situation itself wasn't too awkward until he tried to make it less awkward for himself and proceeded to say things like,

   "it's ok if you're not, you know. Or if you are. . ."

     Thanks, Doctor Jason. I appreciate that. Ha! It was a good laugh but did I really need another reminder that I was no where near that road anyways, once more? Oh well, I took it for what it was and we made a joke out of it.

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     As many of you are aware this past weekend was my town's annual Tulip Time festival. The weather was gorgeous and it was a record breaking year for attendance! I enjoyed my time and my nose shows that I got my fair share of sun!

     In the weeks leading up to Tulip Time I was reminded of the fact I would be spending part of it on my own, something I am not very good at doing. You will never catch me at the mall alone; I will never sit down at a restaurant to eat a meal without someone else; and I will not attend a major event or festival by myself. I just can't do it- I feel way too awkward and uncomfortable!

     I guess this year I was just going to have to suck it up and take every chance to enjoy the food and music uptown that I could.

     That morning I worked at HyVee from 8-4 slicing over 3,000 hamburger buns for many of the vendors uptown, and once I got off work I ventured to my Grandma's house to change clothes and head to town. I was too tired to care about the fact I was alone at that point. I was just ready to be in the quiet and away from that piercing slicing noise from the bun machine. Yikes!

     When I got to Grandma's and finished changing and redoing my hair I began the 20 minute walk in the fresh air uptown. I enjoyed it, actually. I wasn't bothered by being alone at all, and I actually had a good time that night. It may have taken weeks of mentally preparing myself for, but I was able to walk around town, sit in the grandstands without a friend and watch all the shows and even walk back home at the end of the day.

     Being single and not having someone to share those fun moments with is tough, especially when it's been a year since you've been on your own. . . I was reminded this afternoon by a random thought that came to me:

     Just because I'm single doesn't mean I can't embrace it and be happy.

     I have a difficult time being content and enjoying this time of life. I'm not tied down by anything and I can do lots of things I've dreamed of doing without having any other commitments to plan around. However, I like having order in my life and that still sounds pretty amazing to me.

     I've always hated getting this horrible pity looks from people when I'm in a store alone, getting food by myself, or one of the only people rocking the loner status at a big event. But this year I kept telling myself that this stage of life may only change once I've accepted that this is where God needs me right now. I can't expect God to change my situation until my heart has changed.

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     All around me I see my best friends beginning new relationships and experiencing life to the fullest. Being bitter is not cool. I've tried that for a year. No one likes it and it doesn't do anything but show others you're sour. All it does is keeps you in an uncomfortable, hurting stage for longer than you want to be.

     So I've started to be okay with my stage of life right now. I have no clue what's going to happen in the next month, and I have no idea what I'm doing, but at least I'm not bitter anymore and people don't see me as a sore loser because I'm not where I'd like to be.

     Contentment is harder to deal with than constant burning instead of tanning. . . It's a step-by-step process, but it's gotta start somewhere.

     I prefer to avoid the sayings that people post about just hanging around until Mr. Right shows up and hold onto the ones that say "I'm not finished right now because God is still carving ou His masterpiece".

     "and whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

-Colossians 3:17

Sarah

Life Unexpected: God Provides

Hey all!

     Do you ever have those "a-ha!" moments with God? (Yes, I know- jumping head first into the topic today). Well, I just had a pretty great one- with one of my new best friends as it so happens. How awesome is that, to have a moment where you and someone else can sit in awe at how God has provided exactly what you needed when you needed it. . . when you weren't even aware it was happening?
     I met this girl in my speech class at school the beginning of 2nd semester. I'd known who she was for a long time before that because one of my old friends knew her and she'd often show up in pictures etc. So I friended her a while back thinking she was super cool. Little did I know I'd end up loving her and her sweet heart so much!
     The first day of speech neither one of us were very excited to be there, so we casually walked in last and took a seat on the opposite side of the room from everyone else together. (I didn't want to sit alone). We ended up becoming the 2 students who talk and laugh quietly during class (our teacher loves us the most regardless) and within the second week of class we were already talking a bunch.
     It was within a few weeks that we ended up really figuring out where we both were with our faith and with being single etc. At first it was just tagging each other in encouraging posts on Facebook and Instagram about God's faithfulness and waiting for the right guy. Then it flourished into a closer friendship where we would confide with each other about the difficulties we face with being single, laughing at how dorky we both are and how scary it is we are so alike with our personalities.
     Before I knew it she became a new best friend! Little did she know in the weeks leading up to 2nd semester I'd been talking to one of my best friends about how difficult it was to make good Christian friends at DMACC and how I was struggling with feeling lonely not having anyone I could confide in or who shared my same beliefs. and Little did I know that this girl had been confiding in friends and with her mom about how difficult it was for her in making new friends here, feeling like she was the only single one in her group etc.
     A few weeks later we became accidental best friends and I love this girl so much! She makes my 2 hour speech classes feel like nothing and I enjoy laughing at random things we do.
     Leaving in the fall is going to kill me because I've made a new best friend and I'll be moving 6 hours away, but God will continue to provide!
     While I'm on the topic of moving, this girl is thinking of applying to a school that's 11 hours away in Tennessee so I'm not the real culprit here :) (Hey, I've always wanted to go to Tennessee and now I've got a reason!)
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    Moral of the story: When you pray to God about something, expect Him to answer in His own time and in His own way! My friend sent me this picture tonight, and it was right after I'd been feeling sorry for myself that I was still single and I was having a difficult time being satisfied with God before a guy.

     We came to the conclusion that being single is a gift many let slip right past. We wanted to take ahold of that gift and really try to live it out! When we both came to the realization that God answered both of our prayers and provided exactly what we needed with each other we were blown away and both got super excited with how God had been SO GOOD!
     Don't ever let the enemy make a good thing bad for you. Our singleness and loneliness brought us together as friends and I'm forever thankful!


"A friend loves at all times. . ."
     -Proverbs 17:17a

Sarah

Solitude: Developing the Patience To Simply "BE"

Hey all! Welcome back to my blog!

     As you may notice, the background of my blog has changed once more. That is mainly due to the confusion on my side for uploading new posts- sometimes a simpler layout is better!

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     So for my Bible class (Developing Spiritual Disciplines) we had to spend an hour in solitude and silence then write a 2 paged paper reflecting how it went, what we did, etc. I was excited at first, but also nervous. I have a hard time sitting still or quieting my thoughts.

     Spending this time in solitude and silence was not an easy thing for me to do. With the weather not cooperating and having such a busy schedule I had a difficult time getting away for a while, especially without feeling rushed to my next commitment. I was able to take my puppy for a walk and jog down the road for a while, just enjoying the fresh air. I tried to take in the sights around me and be thankful for free time. I also just laid down and looked at everything outside. I talked to God as if He were right beside me giving me counsel and talking to me.

Different Christian songs I’ve been singing and listening to constantly over the past few days kept coming to me. These words especially be Tauren Wells new song “Hills and Valleys” kept coming to mind and I had a hard time clearing my head from them. “You’re God of the hills and valleys, and I am not alone.” I have a hard time quieting the thoughts in my head, but there were a few times I had quiet for a few seconds where I would just be still.

When I first laid down I simply asked, “God, what do you need me to know?” I already had a hard enough time going to lay down right before I did so, so I gathered Satan really must not want me to be in the quietness right now. Instantly God brought to mind someone I’ve been having a difficult time with the past few years. We were best friends at one point and then I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore and I needed space from the friendship. After many hurt feelings on both sides I’ve felt God calling me to reach out one more time. So far I am determined to allow God to rebuild the friendship no matter how painful and difficult.

When this girl came to mind I simply asked God again, in the quiet of my heart, “what do You want me to do about it?” Nothing came to me, so I waited. That’s when the song “Hills and Valleys” came to mind again. I just could not, for the life of me, shake that song from my head. Granted the song is incredibly catchy, I tried and tried to quiet my head. Still, I didn’t hear an answer. I’m going to continue to listen for God to speak in His own time. Maybe something needs to happen with my heart before He can make it known to me. Otherwise this could be God’s way of teaching me patience (a quality I truly struggle with) or even how to listen for His instruction (something I am not skilled at or very familiar with.)

            I’m excited for the weather to improve so I can go drive away and sit outside in God’s creation, a place I love to go specifically. I looked forward to this time all week, but when it came I was almost nervous to enter into a time of quiet and stillness.

     Near the end of my time I began to notice my mind wandering to past heartaches and pain, things I do not like to spend much time pondering. I thought it was Satan trying to steer me from what God was trying to show to me, and that frustrated me when I wasn’t able to gain any insight into my situation.

            That’s when I was reminded of the purpose of this exercise: to spend time with God and enjoy His presence. However difficult it was for me to clear my thoughts and mind and just be with God for a while, I am anxious to give it another try and slowly become more and more experienced at spending time in solitude with God, whether He reveals any truths or insights to me or not.

     Prayers would be appreciated as I listen to and wait for God to show me how to handle this situation!

"Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song."

     -Psalm 95:1-2 NIV

Sarah