Hey all!
I just spent the past week at a Bible and Missionary conference in Okoboji, Iowa with my family before I came back to Missouri for my senior year of college at Ozark. There were so many amazing speakers and the worship was beautiful and powerful. I did end up leaving a day early so I could drive back to school, but the sermons and worship I did hear really spoke to my heart.
There was so much that I took away from all of the messages, but one in particular really stood out to me. Wanda Walborn was the speaker on Tuesday evening and she centered her message on prayer. I wanted to share some thoughts on that message with you.
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So many times in our lives we ask God for these big things and we grow discouraged when He doesn't seem to listen to them. Other times we forget about our prayer requests altogether and still end up frustrated that we never received what we initially prayed for.
In addition to this, our big requests that we have often will affect no one's lives but our own. This makes our requests to God selfish and one might even say pointless. We have the God of the universe readily available to listen to our hearts and hear our desires and thoughts, but when we treat Him as if He is a vending machine for whatever our hearts desire we are missing the point.
What about when we pray a large prayer that isn't selfish and is for the wellbeing of other people? What are we supposed to think or how are we to respond when we ask God to heal a family member from their terminal cancer and they end up passing away? What are we supposed to do when the church goes through financial struggles and the building is closed down even though we prayed about it the other night?
God is present in all these situations. He is always with us, in the good and the bad. But what so many people (including myself) seem to forget, is that God desires to hear from us continuously. We will not bore God with our requests and we will never overwhelm Him when we open up to Him with our burdens and pains. He wants it all: both the beautiful and the ugly.
God can answer prayers we didn't even know we needed answered, and He can answer prayers that we have prayed over everyday multiple times. Wanda shared a story about her daughter and her strong desire for some new clothes for school, but they didn't have the money to provide her with new clothes like she wanted. However, Wanda wanted to teach her daughter the importance of prayer and how powerful God is. She wanted her daughter to see that God cares about the little things too. So they prayed together everyday that God would provide her with her school clothes. After a while Wanda began to wonder if this was a silly prayer request and would think to herself "Ok, God. . . Anytime now. . ."
After a month or so of praying everyday for these school clothes someone asked if her daughter could use some clothes for school. They had multiple bags worth of hand-me-downs and wanted to give them to someone who needed them. While opening up all the bags with her daughter, suddenly she gasped and pulled out something special. Her dauhter picked it up and held it up to herself as she twirled across the floor. She said to her, "Mama, God did it!"
God had provided Wanda's daughter with her school clothes, but little did she know that her daughter was also praying for a very specific dress within her own prayers as well. While some may see this as a minor thing, it showed both Wanda and her daughter that God cares about the little things and wants to give us those things we ask for.
Wanda made an amazing point after telling this story: she mentioned how people forget about their prayers or don't have faith that God will really answer them. Now, we are not God and we do not decide what God will do as a result of our prayers, but Wanda wanted to make sure we understand what we can do.
When we pray for God to take away our pain, or to heal our sicknesses that so severely disrupt our lives, sometimes it can seem as through He isn't listening to us or He won't answer our prayers.
"We ask God to take away our pain and suffering, and when He doesn't take it away, we begin to question if He hears us or loves us. . . Jesus asked God to make another way so he wouldn't have to die, but through His death God brought all the freedom and opportunity to live an eternal life in Heaven."
You see, what Wanda wanted to point out through her message was that God hears every little detail of our prayers. He wants to give us what is best for us, but we are sinful and imperfect beings. We don't always know what we need, but He does. Jesus may have prayed that there was another way for Him to bring salvation to the people, but God knew it had to be done this way. Yet, through the death he suffered he experienced a new life with us, one that he could not have had if the barrier between God and man was not filled.
When we pray for something, keep praying. "For God-sized outcomes we need to pray God-sized prayers." If you are serious about what you are asking God, pray continuously. Set a reminder on your phone. Pray for all the little details. God loves them all. He wants to hear from you.
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After hearing Wanda speak on prayer that night, I set a reminder on my phone for 8:00 every night where I intentionally pray about a specific request that I had lost sight of over the summer. I have big dreams and hopes for my ministry and life within the next few years and I want to be able to take that to God over and over, knowing that He will do whats best and listen to my every word.
What is a prayer that you have given up on that you want to begin to pray for again? I challenge you to surrender it to God once more and set that reminder on your phone. . .
~Sarah Joy
Saturday, August 10, 2019
Wednesday, May 8, 2019
Is It That Time Already?
Hey all!
I'm so glad to be back writing to you tonight! I am so excited to begin a new chapter of my life this week. Today I took my last final of junior year at Ozark and I am preparing for the 6 hour travel back home this weekend for the summer. It has been quite the year and I'm not gonna lie, one of the hardest years I've endured, but God is good and I have continued to grow despite the hardships.
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Last semester began with many crazy twists on how I had imagined and expected my junior year to go. I had to learn what it truly means to be content in my relationship with God and to lean into what trusting Him really looks like. I definitely don't have this completely down, but I'm trying more and more each day. He has been beside me every step of the way, from sudden injuries and sicknesses, difficult job situations, and emotional and spiritual frustrations.
Throughout last semester I learned a great deal about trust in God and in people. I have learned what it looks like to have a solid group of friends around me to encourage me in my faith but who will also call me out and redirect me to where I need to go. More importantly, they walk alongside of me while I figure out what to do and how to grow in those areas.
Last semester may have been one of the most difficult, but it made way for a great semester this spring! I was amazed at the many fabulous friendships that God brought to my life. My hilarious new friends Seth, Tyler and Devin have really stepped up to the plate and accepted me with my flaws, but they have also shown me how I deserve to be treated as a young woman and what healthy friendships with guys look like and how much of a blessing they are. They have brought me into their lives and given me friendships that I will cherish forever. Each one is different but each of them has a special place in my heart. They make being away from both my brothers at home a little easier and make Ozark feel even more like home.
This semester I made a new friend, Elle, and she has brought so much joy to my life in many ways. This girl is strong, and I am inspired by her in countless areas. The way she has pushed through a hard semester by being in a room her own floor away from us and still taken care of all the girls here on 2nd floor makes my heart happy. She loves unconditionally and knowns how to bring a room into worship. We have decided we are so much alike its almost too much to handle. These fantastic humans among my others friends at Ozark are the best and I love them.
I can't believe all the amazing ways God has provided for me this semester. He has given me a fun job working as a teacher's assistant for the Psychology program, babysitting opportunities, and a chance to clean a house for an older man who struggles to take care of himself. I never would have seen myself in this place a year ago, but that's the beauty of God's plan for us- it's better than we imagined.
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But let me be real with ya'll for a second. I'm scared to go home for the summer. I love my family and my hometown and I'm excited to experience everything that will happen over the next 3 months, but with that excitement comes fears of the unknowns and having to adjust to an entirely new environment again. Last summer was a totally different situation and this summer I am heading into break head first with complete uncertainty of what will happen.
I am ready to be back with my worship team at church and lead on Sunday mornings with them again, but I am also sad to leave my church here in Missouri. I have grown to love it more and more each week. Thank goodness they have started to livestream their services so that I can continue to be a part of the worship at Christ's Church of Oronogo from 400 miles away. Having 2 churches hold my heart makes for difficult moments when I cannot be at both.
Being away from friends you have known most of your life is hard, even when you have multiple friends at college to help you survive life. Even so, it is good to be home and to catch up with old friends, family members, and people I enjoy spending time with. Each semester my friends have changed, adapted, and multiplied. Leaving them again after growing in our love for the Lord and each other breaks my heart. The past 2 weeks I have treated the words "moving home, graduation, and summer" as if they were a cuss word. I got upset whenever someone mentioned them and covered my ears. I am nervous to leave everything I know here. I'm so scared.
I have a great full time job lined up at home! I'll be painting buildings, homes, and doing other outside work, and spending those hours with people I love being around. I'm so excited for this new work experience. But it will be hard work and I will be sore and exhausted many days. With that being said I am ready to see how my work ethic continues to increase over these months. God provided this job for me- that I am 100% sure of. I am so thankful for the chance to put myself through my last 3 semesters of college.
I will be able to return to the Bible conference in August once again and I will never get tired of that. In addition to that, I also have the chance to travel across the country for my cousin's wedding with my family. We are making it a week long trip and I'm definitely ready for everything that will happen on this small vacation.
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As I sit here and type my thoughts out for a blog post, I am reflecting on how scared I was last semester for what was ahead in the school year. While I felt I had reasons to be upset and scared, I didn't. God was in control and was opening doors for things that would change my life, capture my heart, and grow me as a person. When God closes one door it is to walk us through another door that is even better. That is where this concept of trust comes from: even when we want to hold onto the past, we must give it to God to be able to receive what He wants to give us in the future.
Each of these areas that I am nervous and afraid for this summer are already covered in prayer by my friends and taken care of by God. The areas that Satan wants to surround me in fear with are the areas that God wants to strengthen me and show me that this summer belongs to Him.
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With that being said, I am very anxious and ready to return to school in the fall and I haven't even moved out of my dorm yet!
When I return in the fall I will be moving in early as an RA for my dorm. This is an opportunity that I am so blessed and thankful to serve in. I have been praying about this the entire year and when I got the news that the position had been given to me I was overjoyed and thrilled. It will be a challenge at some points, but I feel God holding my hand as I go through training and prepare to be in this new role on my beloved Dennis 2nd.
I will also be a vocalist on our one of Ozark's Frontline worship teams. I have spent the last year sitting in the seats of the chapel watching the teams lead us, and this year I was ready to walk back up onto the stage and lead worship with other students again. Leading worship is one thing my heart and soul have been craving and I am very excited to be able to do this all of next year! Anyone who leads worship knows there can be an overwhelming feeling where you feel the Spirit take over if you allow him. Being able to observe the congregation worship is something that gives me chills and reminds me of how good God truly is. I joke about needing 2 seats to worship freely in chapel, and now I have an entire stage to dance and worship on. Having other friends on the other 2 teams brings me a joy I cannot explain.
The classes I am taking next semester will be hard, but I am up for the challenge. I'm blessed with having Tuesday and Thursday free from classes, but the other 3 days of the week I will be in a preaching class, a world religions class, and a philosophy class. I also have 2 online classes covering the book of Psalms and a science class. While I won't be a lifegroup leader next year, it will be a new experience to have a mentor group next year to be a part of.
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Why do I tell you all of these things tonight? I want to remind you that, whatever you are facing this summer, God is already in control and nothing will surprise Him. He knows exactly what you need to be prepared and He has placed you in a position He knows you are ready for.
Whether you are terrified or thrilled for summer break and all that is to come with that, I pray that you remember where to keep your focus and who deserves all the praise and attention this summer. We will begin to lose sight of what really matters and fall into old habits when we are not placing God at the center.
The thing I am most excited for this summer is to visit with my friends across the country about our faith. We will be keeping each other accountable as we grow in our relationships with the Lord through Bible studies over video chat.
Where there are difficulties there is a chance for incredible growth. I hope you are walking into summer with this same perspective. . .
~Sarah Joy
I'm so glad to be back writing to you tonight! I am so excited to begin a new chapter of my life this week. Today I took my last final of junior year at Ozark and I am preparing for the 6 hour travel back home this weekend for the summer. It has been quite the year and I'm not gonna lie, one of the hardest years I've endured, but God is good and I have continued to grow despite the hardships.
-
-
Last semester began with many crazy twists on how I had imagined and expected my junior year to go. I had to learn what it truly means to be content in my relationship with God and to lean into what trusting Him really looks like. I definitely don't have this completely down, but I'm trying more and more each day. He has been beside me every step of the way, from sudden injuries and sicknesses, difficult job situations, and emotional and spiritual frustrations.
Throughout last semester I learned a great deal about trust in God and in people. I have learned what it looks like to have a solid group of friends around me to encourage me in my faith but who will also call me out and redirect me to where I need to go. More importantly, they walk alongside of me while I figure out what to do and how to grow in those areas.
Last semester may have been one of the most difficult, but it made way for a great semester this spring! I was amazed at the many fabulous friendships that God brought to my life. My hilarious new friends Seth, Tyler and Devin have really stepped up to the plate and accepted me with my flaws, but they have also shown me how I deserve to be treated as a young woman and what healthy friendships with guys look like and how much of a blessing they are. They have brought me into their lives and given me friendships that I will cherish forever. Each one is different but each of them has a special place in my heart. They make being away from both my brothers at home a little easier and make Ozark feel even more like home.
This semester I made a new friend, Elle, and she has brought so much joy to my life in many ways. This girl is strong, and I am inspired by her in countless areas. The way she has pushed through a hard semester by being in a room her own floor away from us and still taken care of all the girls here on 2nd floor makes my heart happy. She loves unconditionally and knowns how to bring a room into worship. We have decided we are so much alike its almost too much to handle. These fantastic humans among my others friends at Ozark are the best and I love them.
I can't believe all the amazing ways God has provided for me this semester. He has given me a fun job working as a teacher's assistant for the Psychology program, babysitting opportunities, and a chance to clean a house for an older man who struggles to take care of himself. I never would have seen myself in this place a year ago, but that's the beauty of God's plan for us- it's better than we imagined.
-
-
But let me be real with ya'll for a second. I'm scared to go home for the summer. I love my family and my hometown and I'm excited to experience everything that will happen over the next 3 months, but with that excitement comes fears of the unknowns and having to adjust to an entirely new environment again. Last summer was a totally different situation and this summer I am heading into break head first with complete uncertainty of what will happen.
I am ready to be back with my worship team at church and lead on Sunday mornings with them again, but I am also sad to leave my church here in Missouri. I have grown to love it more and more each week. Thank goodness they have started to livestream their services so that I can continue to be a part of the worship at Christ's Church of Oronogo from 400 miles away. Having 2 churches hold my heart makes for difficult moments when I cannot be at both.
Being away from friends you have known most of your life is hard, even when you have multiple friends at college to help you survive life. Even so, it is good to be home and to catch up with old friends, family members, and people I enjoy spending time with. Each semester my friends have changed, adapted, and multiplied. Leaving them again after growing in our love for the Lord and each other breaks my heart. The past 2 weeks I have treated the words "moving home, graduation, and summer" as if they were a cuss word. I got upset whenever someone mentioned them and covered my ears. I am nervous to leave everything I know here. I'm so scared.
I have a great full time job lined up at home! I'll be painting buildings, homes, and doing other outside work, and spending those hours with people I love being around. I'm so excited for this new work experience. But it will be hard work and I will be sore and exhausted many days. With that being said I am ready to see how my work ethic continues to increase over these months. God provided this job for me- that I am 100% sure of. I am so thankful for the chance to put myself through my last 3 semesters of college.
I will be able to return to the Bible conference in August once again and I will never get tired of that. In addition to that, I also have the chance to travel across the country for my cousin's wedding with my family. We are making it a week long trip and I'm definitely ready for everything that will happen on this small vacation.
-
-
As I sit here and type my thoughts out for a blog post, I am reflecting on how scared I was last semester for what was ahead in the school year. While I felt I had reasons to be upset and scared, I didn't. God was in control and was opening doors for things that would change my life, capture my heart, and grow me as a person. When God closes one door it is to walk us through another door that is even better. That is where this concept of trust comes from: even when we want to hold onto the past, we must give it to God to be able to receive what He wants to give us in the future.
Each of these areas that I am nervous and afraid for this summer are already covered in prayer by my friends and taken care of by God. The areas that Satan wants to surround me in fear with are the areas that God wants to strengthen me and show me that this summer belongs to Him.
-
-
With that being said, I am very anxious and ready to return to school in the fall and I haven't even moved out of my dorm yet!
When I return in the fall I will be moving in early as an RA for my dorm. This is an opportunity that I am so blessed and thankful to serve in. I have been praying about this the entire year and when I got the news that the position had been given to me I was overjoyed and thrilled. It will be a challenge at some points, but I feel God holding my hand as I go through training and prepare to be in this new role on my beloved Dennis 2nd.
I will also be a vocalist on our one of Ozark's Frontline worship teams. I have spent the last year sitting in the seats of the chapel watching the teams lead us, and this year I was ready to walk back up onto the stage and lead worship with other students again. Leading worship is one thing my heart and soul have been craving and I am very excited to be able to do this all of next year! Anyone who leads worship knows there can be an overwhelming feeling where you feel the Spirit take over if you allow him. Being able to observe the congregation worship is something that gives me chills and reminds me of how good God truly is. I joke about needing 2 seats to worship freely in chapel, and now I have an entire stage to dance and worship on. Having other friends on the other 2 teams brings me a joy I cannot explain.
The classes I am taking next semester will be hard, but I am up for the challenge. I'm blessed with having Tuesday and Thursday free from classes, but the other 3 days of the week I will be in a preaching class, a world religions class, and a philosophy class. I also have 2 online classes covering the book of Psalms and a science class. While I won't be a lifegroup leader next year, it will be a new experience to have a mentor group next year to be a part of.
-
-
Why do I tell you all of these things tonight? I want to remind you that, whatever you are facing this summer, God is already in control and nothing will surprise Him. He knows exactly what you need to be prepared and He has placed you in a position He knows you are ready for.
Whether you are terrified or thrilled for summer break and all that is to come with that, I pray that you remember where to keep your focus and who deserves all the praise and attention this summer. We will begin to lose sight of what really matters and fall into old habits when we are not placing God at the center.
The thing I am most excited for this summer is to visit with my friends across the country about our faith. We will be keeping each other accountable as we grow in our relationships with the Lord through Bible studies over video chat.
Where there are difficulties there is a chance for incredible growth. I hope you are walking into summer with this same perspective. . .
~Sarah Joy
Friday, January 11, 2019
I Don't Really Do New Year's Resolutions
Hey all!
So many people have been posting their New Year's Resolutions on social media the past few weeks, and I have to admit- I have loved some and been annoyed by others. There are certain things in life where you can tell when someone is being genuine in what they say and commit to, and other times you can tell that people are only going through the motions without the commitment. Resolutions are one of those things I don't have overly strong convictions about. Yes, I think it is awesome to commit to being a better person in the Near Year, and yes, I think it is awesome to strive for new things we may not have had the courage to do the year before. However, why wait till January 1st to change and better ourselves? Why has society made Monday and New Years the "restart" moments for our lives?
Scripture tells us that the mercies of God are new everyday. Why can't we see our lives in the same light? Why must we wait to hit the reset button until a certain day of the week or year? Things will always go wrong, we will always be discouraged by things we do or didn't do, said or didn't say, and struggle with not feeling our best. It is because of this that I don't see New Years as a way to start over and hope for the best. Rather I see New Years as a reminder that God has washed us clean by the washing of His son. . . and guess what, I doubt that event happened on a Monday or January 1st.
I am in a place where I am striving to grow and change to be more like Christ everyday. If I didn't see this as a daily challenge to myself then I would constantly give up and wait around until the next week, continuing down the constant cycle of trying to be the best, not meeting my unrealistic expectations, and giving up until the next moment of motivation.
With that being said, I challenge you to view your New Year's Resolutions as something that you do not "fail" when you don't quite meet your expectations. Rather choose to view them as a constant decision to be the best individual you can be. God doesn't ask us to be perfect, nor do the people in our lives who love us and want the best for us. Trying our best and being perfect are two completely different goals, and honestly one of them is unrealistic. I will let you make that decision for yourself on which is which.
There is something beautiful about committing to something that will make you a better person and relying on God to help us hold to our commitments. Don't go into a challenge on your own. God is right there and wants to be a part of your journey. Want to know what I have found in life? (If you don't, sorry, I'm gonna say it anyways.) Whether it be a challenge for myself, making a big decision, or trying to continue on when life is hard, When I try to do something without God I am walking down the path to failure. I cannot win at life without God. Period. When He is a part of my life in all the little details, my life will reflect that and I will be living a life He is guiding me through. In life you are either walking to success or walking to failure. You are either walking with God or without Him.
This is your decision to make. Surrendering your life to Christ is not a one and done event. We choose daily to surrender our lives to Him and admit to Him that we cannot do life without Him. There is more to being a Christian than weekly church services, being nice, not using foul language, and avoiding those "sinful" places that people try to shove under the rug. Being a Christian is a relationship with the God of the universe. It's like a relationship between a man and a woman: without continued work and effort it will crumble and grow weak. When we strive to grow closer and closer with God our relationship with Him continues to grow deeper, stronger, and more beautiful.
I encourage you to think of your New Year's Resolutions in a bit of a different light after reading this. Don't think of it as a single chance to change something you dislike about yourself. Think of a resolution as another opportunity to surrender our own efforts to God and ask Him to come into our situation and give us strength, perseverance and patience to reach our goals.
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Rather than doing New Year's Resolutions I pray and reflect on what word for the next few months I need to mold my life around and work towards. Last spring my word was patience. I am someone who really struggles with waiting on things, especially when I don't know what the future holds. I want to know what to expect now so I can plan for it and not be afraid or surprised. Last semester my word was trust. Things happened one after the other that I didn't understand, but I wanted to trust God that He had a plan and He was doing all this to protect me from whatever it was I couldn't see and prepare me for the future that I am patiently waiting for. My words overtime have began to come together and mold for a greater purpose and I love that.
For this semester, Spring 2019, I have chosen a word that really speaks to my heart right now and I honestly find difficult to comprehend at this point in my life but I know God gave it to me. Contentment. There are always things I want to do differently. There are always things I wish would happen now rather than later. There are always things I think I could do now but in reality I am not ready for. I need to look at my current place in life as a battle ground to fill my soul with His Word and truth. God knows what I need and what I can handle. I am in a time of preparation for whatever He has in store for my future. I also need to view my current place in life as a time to grow and encourage others who are where I have been in the past and who are also in the same place as me. I may see things come to be that I hope for and I may never experience certain dreams. Regardless of what my future holds, I want to trust God that my patience throughout this time of learning to be content will be worth it and His plan will be greater than I could ever have imagined.
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Never be afraid to challenge yourself, but please, dear friend. . . Please give yourself grace and look at yourself through the eyes of Christ. He does not see you as a failure, He sees you as a child who gets up when they fall and tries again. Remember, when we bring God into those small areas of our lives things change and our lives reflect Him. So this year I challenge you to challenge yourself with realistic goals for yourselves that will draw you closer to God and encourage you into your identity in Christ. You are not a failure, you are a work of art that God is constantly working on. He is not done with you yet. Don't give up, keep working on yourself in the same way.
Even when you miss a step along the way, choose to get up and smile. Some of the best road trips happen when you have unexpected detours.
Even when you miss a step along the way, choose to get up and smile. Some of the best road trips happen when you have unexpected detours.
Happy 2019, my friend. Here's to a life filled with joy and growth. You can do it.
-Sarah Joy
Sunday, December 2, 2018
When You Don't Know How To Trust
Hey all!
Finals week is quickly approaching and I am almost finished with my 3rd semester here at Ozark. It has been a crazy semester and a crazy beginning to my 3rd year of college and I cannot believe it is almost finished already! I am sitting here on the floor of my dorm room listening to some of the worship songs that have given me hope and strength throughout the past few months, and I began to think about what trusting God feels like to me right now.
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To be honest, I'm not sure what trusting God looks like for me right now. I've gone back and forth on feeling as though I was thriving with God and feeling empowered by Him and completely satisfied with Him. Other times I feel less than fulfilled and as though He is far away. To be honest, I am somewhere in the middle right now. . .
I know God is here, and I know God is all powerful and promises to work all things for His good, but I struggle to accept that when things seem less than that. Tonight as I sit here I am having a difficult time truly understanding so many things.
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The song "While I Wait" by Lincoln Brewster is playing right now. This song was sent to me a few weeks into the semester for hope and encouragement by someone I admire a great deal, and it reminds me of what trusting God can be for me.
Trusting God doesn't mean that the confusion and questions disappear Rather, it means that through all of that I will look to God and remember He has a plan. We as humans may not be able to know what God has planned, and what happens has happened and we cannot change that. We must accept it. I like to tell myself "Life happens. How are you going to respond?"
As I think about that I wonder how I can even fathom that God's plan is so much better than what looked completely perfect and complete in my own eyes. I am in awe that God's plan is so good I cannot even imagine what it is. This is so difficult for me at the same time and I have struggled with this over and over throughout my life.
I am someone who likes to either be in control or know what is going to happen. When I am caught off guard in life I am thrown for a loop and can feel as though I have lost my balance. This semester has been a constant back and forth of being tossed around and trying to hold onto God for balance and strength. God has us go through what we do to shape us and grow us into who He created us to be. Someone told me a few weeks ago, "God is preparing you for something great. You must have strong, strong roots!" It is through that process that I am able to trust Him even without feeling like I am.
God does not promise that our lives will be easy, but He promises to be with us. . . This reminder calms my heart at night when I sit alone in my room and contemplate where He has placed me right now. There has been moments I've cried out to God and simply asked Him to wrap His arms around me and to give me a sense that He is here with me.
This reminds me of what faith looks like. It seems impossible for me to feel as though God is wrapping me in His arms, yet I still ask Him to. . . What does this say about trust? Even when I feel as though I cannot give my plans for my life over to God, a part of me already has. Its the same with worship. When I struggle to surrender my pains and worries to God, I am still able to raise my hands in song and praise Him because He is good.
I cannot understand how a life without God could hold any peace or comfort at all. It may not always seem as though God is close by, that His plan is going to be good, or that He can truly make all things work together for good. . . (Romans 8:28) but even in the midst of the darkness a piece of our soul still knows that God is who He says He is and we long for Him in our lives.
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Thinking about all of this leads me to the gospels where Jesus was crucified Everything seemed finished. Darkness had won. Jesus was dead. The hope that the people had disappeared and everything was over. But then Jesus came out of that grave! Right at the moment when the darkness seemed to have overcome the light, Jesus overcame it and brought ultimate hope to the world and delivered us out of the darkness.
Proverbs 3:5 talks about trusting in God and not leaning on our own understanding. Until now I never truly understood what this verse meant, but as I think about it right now I see the meaning. I can't seem to understand how God can transform my own plan for my life into something so good that my "perfect" future isn't good enough. . . I am leaning on my understanding of my life and what God has planned for me. I cannot understand. My understanding of this will lead me astray, but trusting in God even when things seem confusing is where I will eventually find understanding and truth in God Himself.
When I look at Joshua 1:9 I see the truth of God's presence. The entire idea of God being with me should be enough that I don't even need to try to understand what God's plan is for my future or in the present moment. I should not fear, but rather I need to take courage because He is here and He is good.
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I am staying in Missouri over Christmas break and the entire process of making this decision was an act of trust. Already within the past 2 days I have seen ways God was working through this. My means of staying in town over break were not by coincidence. It took less than a day for everything to fall into place. Now, I am still understanding more and more what good things are coming from me staying here.
Originally my intentions for staying in town were for my own gain, and now I am seeing how God knew this was what I needed. I will be able to go home for Christmas Day, but be able to remain in Missouri for the remainder of break and thrive from so many incredible opportunities God has given me. The opportunities only continue to appear throughout the next few months. What amazes me is that God was working in my life before I even knew I needed a new plan. He is GOOD.
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I only have 1 question to close this out. Has God ever failed us before? Then why should we think that His plan isn't as good as what we had planned? Why should we think that He will not fulfill His promise for us?
~Sarah
Finals week is quickly approaching and I am almost finished with my 3rd semester here at Ozark. It has been a crazy semester and a crazy beginning to my 3rd year of college and I cannot believe it is almost finished already! I am sitting here on the floor of my dorm room listening to some of the worship songs that have given me hope and strength throughout the past few months, and I began to think about what trusting God feels like to me right now.
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To be honest, I'm not sure what trusting God looks like for me right now. I've gone back and forth on feeling as though I was thriving with God and feeling empowered by Him and completely satisfied with Him. Other times I feel less than fulfilled and as though He is far away. To be honest, I am somewhere in the middle right now. . .
I know God is here, and I know God is all powerful and promises to work all things for His good, but I struggle to accept that when things seem less than that. Tonight as I sit here I am having a difficult time truly understanding so many things.
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The song "While I Wait" by Lincoln Brewster is playing right now. This song was sent to me a few weeks into the semester for hope and encouragement by someone I admire a great deal, and it reminds me of what trusting God can be for me.
Trusting God doesn't mean that the confusion and questions disappear Rather, it means that through all of that I will look to God and remember He has a plan. We as humans may not be able to know what God has planned, and what happens has happened and we cannot change that. We must accept it. I like to tell myself "Life happens. How are you going to respond?"
As I think about that I wonder how I can even fathom that God's plan is so much better than what looked completely perfect and complete in my own eyes. I am in awe that God's plan is so good I cannot even imagine what it is. This is so difficult for me at the same time and I have struggled with this over and over throughout my life.
I am someone who likes to either be in control or know what is going to happen. When I am caught off guard in life I am thrown for a loop and can feel as though I have lost my balance. This semester has been a constant back and forth of being tossed around and trying to hold onto God for balance and strength. God has us go through what we do to shape us and grow us into who He created us to be. Someone told me a few weeks ago, "God is preparing you for something great. You must have strong, strong roots!" It is through that process that I am able to trust Him even without feeling like I am.
God does not promise that our lives will be easy, but He promises to be with us. . . This reminder calms my heart at night when I sit alone in my room and contemplate where He has placed me right now. There has been moments I've cried out to God and simply asked Him to wrap His arms around me and to give me a sense that He is here with me.
This reminds me of what faith looks like. It seems impossible for me to feel as though God is wrapping me in His arms, yet I still ask Him to. . . What does this say about trust? Even when I feel as though I cannot give my plans for my life over to God, a part of me already has. Its the same with worship. When I struggle to surrender my pains and worries to God, I am still able to raise my hands in song and praise Him because He is good.
I cannot understand how a life without God could hold any peace or comfort at all. It may not always seem as though God is close by, that His plan is going to be good, or that He can truly make all things work together for good. . . (Romans 8:28) but even in the midst of the darkness a piece of our soul still knows that God is who He says He is and we long for Him in our lives.
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Thinking about all of this leads me to the gospels where Jesus was crucified Everything seemed finished. Darkness had won. Jesus was dead. The hope that the people had disappeared and everything was over. But then Jesus came out of that grave! Right at the moment when the darkness seemed to have overcome the light, Jesus overcame it and brought ultimate hope to the world and delivered us out of the darkness.
Proverbs 3:5 talks about trusting in God and not leaning on our own understanding. Until now I never truly understood what this verse meant, but as I think about it right now I see the meaning. I can't seem to understand how God can transform my own plan for my life into something so good that my "perfect" future isn't good enough. . . I am leaning on my understanding of my life and what God has planned for me. I cannot understand. My understanding of this will lead me astray, but trusting in God even when things seem confusing is where I will eventually find understanding and truth in God Himself.
When I look at Joshua 1:9 I see the truth of God's presence. The entire idea of God being with me should be enough that I don't even need to try to understand what God's plan is for my future or in the present moment. I should not fear, but rather I need to take courage because He is here and He is good.
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I am staying in Missouri over Christmas break and the entire process of making this decision was an act of trust. Already within the past 2 days I have seen ways God was working through this. My means of staying in town over break were not by coincidence. It took less than a day for everything to fall into place. Now, I am still understanding more and more what good things are coming from me staying here.
Originally my intentions for staying in town were for my own gain, and now I am seeing how God knew this was what I needed. I will be able to go home for Christmas Day, but be able to remain in Missouri for the remainder of break and thrive from so many incredible opportunities God has given me. The opportunities only continue to appear throughout the next few months. What amazes me is that God was working in my life before I even knew I needed a new plan. He is GOOD.
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I only have 1 question to close this out. Has God ever failed us before? Then why should we think that His plan isn't as good as what we had planned? Why should we think that He will not fulfill His promise for us?
~Sarah
Friday, November 9, 2018
Growing Hurts, God Heals
Hey all!
It has been a while since I wrote. . . and I am finally back to blogging after a seriously needed break, and taking a step back from being under the spotlight while I figured some things out in life.
First off, God is good. Can I get an amen? I am unbelievably blessed and experiencing God in ways I have never seen before. I'm in such awe that I almost don't know what to do with what I am learning and witnessing. . .
Second, I ended last semester with such a strong passion for continuing my calling into ministry at Ozark after a few months of spiritual battles where I fought back and forth on where to take my life. I am pleased to inform any of you who were not aware that I am not transferring schools anymore and I am where God has called me.
That same passion continued on throughout the summer and I was fueled daily with an excitement to come back to campus and continue to fuel the fire in the community I have grown to love beyond belief. Working in a secular environment all summer was rough at times, but God was faithful and reminded me in the hardest times that it doesn't matter what criticism I receive for being "different" from all the other college students who sleep around, get drunk, or hop around from one relationship to another. He has chosen me and called me to be a light in those places. I was able to share parts of my story with multiple coworkers and people this summer I never thought would ask or be receptive to what I had to say. I don't say any of this to brag, but only to show how God is faithful and how He is always guiding us if we seek Him and allow Him to work.
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However, coming back to campus this year seemed like one hit after another. . . Within a week before moving back to Joplin in August, my dorm shut down for a year long remodel and we were all relocated to another dorm in an entirely new community of girls we barely knew, and a community of girls who had already established friendships together. Coming into that was terrifying and a shock. It took me for a turn, and that was only the beginning.
Within days of moving into school again, different parts of my life began to change and shift dramatically, which opened up the door to two and a half months of crazy and painful growth in my faith and how I love.
I have learned so much this semester already that my head is spinning and I would have to write a book to explain what all I have learned about my calling as a believer, how I should be loving others (both those that I am friends with and those whom I struggle with) and how to share my story the best way I can with those around me.
I will try to touch base on some of the most significant life changes and lessons I have experienced this semester already.
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First of all, I realized I am so imperfect in many ways I never realized in the past twenty years of life, and the past two years of being a born again Christian. By the grace of God I have begun a journey of accepting myself and learning to see myself how God sees me.
I have learned what it looks like to be open and receptive to constructive criticism from those around me. I cannot see my life from the outside, but those I live my life with know me better than I know myself some days. They came alongside me and worked with me so patiently (and sometimes impatiently when I was a pain. . . so most of the time) through a time of learning and frustration as I had to give up and shift major areas of my life to allow for God to guide me through transitions and mold me in beautiful and hard ways.
I learned, that while I am often in a position of leadership or being looked at as a role model, I need to be make sure I am not the wisest person around me. I can always learn from others, and I should never stop growing or trying to better myself. I tend to take on the personality characteristics of those I am around whether these people are good influences or not. I had to take a step back and analyze my own actions and intentions for those I was spending my time with. Was there anything wrong with being around any of these people? Not at all. The problem was letting my guard down so much that I forgot to be that role model to any of the freshman I spent my time with and to remind them to stay focused on what matters and not to get carried away in the things of the world. After I took some serious time away to let God shift my focus, I was able to approach some of those same students and friends and pay close attention to how I act, why I act that way, and if I am being true to myself. Now we have friendships that encourage one another and show acceptance and grace in life.
Nothing is wrong with me adopting the characteristics of those I am around, in fact it is part of the reason I am able to mesh so well with multiple different groups of people. The problem was when I was unaware of how their behaviors would influence me. This was definitely a new experience for me, but now I am able to look at these new students I live life with and see how God has already began to change them and mature them in Him for His glory. Do I get frustrated with some of the people I am around at least daily? Of course, but by the grace of God I am able to hold my tongue at times and examine my heart to remember that I used to be someone that was difficult to love, but a few special people chose to walk alongside me in my hard-to-tolerate days and walk me through the darkest days to my life now. We are not called to love the cool kids or to love those who like us. . . We are called to love and to show love to everyone, whether we like them or not, and whether they are difficult to love or not.
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That is another lesson I have learned- loving those who we don't get along with or who don't like us. What does that look like to me? It used to look like ignoring them and acting like they didn't bother me so I wasn't a nuisance and they could live life without me in the way. . . and sometimes it included pretending like I had it all together because the people pleaser in me wanted so desperately for them to like me. How silly for me to think I can control what someone else thinks of me. . . I allowed it to go to my head so deeply that I began to shape my actions around how I would look to those people in hopes I would be accepted by them or admired for "who I was". Selfish and boastful much?
It was incredibly humbling when one of my dear friends came alongside me and told me that she had observed I was not being my true self around some people, and when I heard those words I knew in my heart exactly what moments she was referencing. From then on I was able to take my prayers for my own life and shift them towards those I had a difficult time getting along with, or for those who didn't like me. I began to pray blessings over them every morning, and sometimes I would ask God to help them through specific situations I knew were coming up for them. I had learned months ago that praying for those you are not on good terms with can actually cause your heart to shift and you begin to appreciate them and love them more.
Going off of that, while I may not be friends with some of these people, and they may not want to talk to me when I see them, I have learned that it is alright for that to happen. Loving someone doesn't mean I have to be close friends with them. I can love them by praying for them, not acting like a jerk around them, not doing things to deliberately hurt them or make them feel bad from afar, or even invading into their space. This has been one of the most difficult challenges thus far, but each day is a new learning process and I'm able to make it through when I remember that Jesus loved those he didn't get along with either. . .
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From there I have also learned what trusting God looks like in a whole new way. Surrendering certain areas of our lives to God hurts in a way I cannot describe, but as I look at other mentors in my life and the past hurts I have experienced God used every one of those to bring me the sense of peace and thankfulness that I have today. My story hasn't been easy, nor do I want people to think I have it all figured out now, but when life is challenging and I don't like where God is taking me or what He tells me to give over to Him, I know in my heart that He is saying "trust me. . . I'm going to give you something even better than what you have now."
Learning to apply trust to my life is something I thought I already had figured out. How I was wrong. . . We are never in a place where we know it all, cannot learn from anyone else, are too busy to hear from God, or too good to need input from others about ways we can change and grow. Being in a position of hearing from those who are wiser than us is one of the smartest things we can do to grow closer to God and grow in our faith. What better way to grow and mature than from listening to those who have gone through the same things or lived longer than we have?
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Another major area of my life I have learned to give to God is how I handle friendships with other people. I am not perfect, nor are my friends and peers. I cannot expect other people to always make me happy, to never frustrate me, to never hurt me, and to always be okay with the things I do. I am a very loud, crazy, sarcastic, and often blunt person in the things I say and do. I have learned to be cautious in how I go about expressing my personality because I can hurt those closest to me without realizing it. I also need to be careful how open I am with certain people when it comes to sarcasm because not everyone is always receptive to certain jokes at a specific time, or maybe they are in a place where they are sensitive and may be offended by what they would normally find funny. I have had to understand that people go through things each day and will have days where things are off and I need to be able to step back and ask them what they need from me rather than assuming I can fix everything with a joke or dramatic behavior. I am dramatic and energetic most of the time with those I am most comfortable around, but not everyone is able to take that positively everyday. I have had to learn to check myself and look at why I feel the desire to express myself in this way so often. . .
What I have learned is, because of the past few years when I suffered from depression and anxiety, I wasn't very happy and didn't have much in life to make me smile. So now I will take any opportunity I have to share life and joy with those around me and any excuse to laugh or smile.
I thrive off of feeling the joy of the Lord now, especially in moments where I know I would be experiencing incredible sorrow if it weren't for the hope I have recently found again in God. When I look to how the situation I am in now plays into eternity, I am learning to let go and let God. Not all the problems we face are worth getting upset over or stressing over about. There are some things we just need to surrender to God and then continue on with our life.
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Finally, learning how to give God my anxiety and worry was one of the first things I had to do this semester. For those who aren't aware, I am finally off my anxiety medication that I began taking in March of this year. I have been medication free for just about a month. A week or so into not taking the medication I experienced some not so great sickness and vertigo, which was about 2 weeks ago. I was in bed for a few days experiencing severe dizziness, nausea, and didn't have an easy time getting around or walking. I finally got my strength back and was able to get back to life as usual. I made it to a place where I no longer need medication. Praise God! I know some people are not able to share in that same feeling of relief I am, and I empathize with you in that, but I also encourage you to continue to have hope in God that He will use this situation for good even if it is different than my anxiety journey turned out.
Will I still struggle with general anxiety on occasion? Yes, I am human and I will freak out and be nervous from time to time. Everyone is anxious sometimes. Everyone. However, I am learning not to dwell on things I have no control over and to limit my negative comments over things that don't have significant meaning or longterm effects on me. I don't use anxiety as an excuse in life anymore. Life stinks sometimes, but I have been so much healthier since focusing on the positive aspects of life and giving up those moments of annoyance and those desires to complain over something insignificant. Life is too short to sit and focus on the negative things. Its so much better when we focus on the good things in life and have the courage to step away from negativity to find fulfillment in the positive and uplifting areas of life. Sure, sometimes we need to vent or be upset, but we cannot let that define us or become what defines us. Our words, thoughts, and actions reflect what is in the heart.
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Having a handful of close friends who are genuinely in love with Jesus, encourage me daily when I need it, show me what it feels like to be loved regardless of my imperfections, pray me through the night when all I feel is pain and fear, and let me show my raw side of tears, anger, and hope has been one of the blessings I never expected this semester. That verse "iron sharpens iron" has a new meaning to me today.
What I was so nervous for in being forced to move to another dorm God used for good. I have learned to step out and be confident in who I am, not rely on others for what God alone can give me, and learned what it feels like to have a sense of peace in being on my own (whether that be going to church alone or spending the day without anyone around.) These are ways that God has revealed Himself to me, because months ago I was not in a place to do some of these things. . .
Going to a church of 2,000 on my own some weeks can be intimidating, but each week I meet new people and have a sense of freedom to dive into the message and hear from God without the distraction of friends sitting beside me. Not expecting my friends to always know what to say or do when I'm going through trials was difficult, but feeling God beside me in ways others can't always be has been such a neat experience. God truly is our refuge.
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The past two and a half months are over, but the next few months will continue to grow and shape me even more. Being okay with change and letting God take control of my life isn't always easy, but as soon as I place my situation or struggle into God's hands I experience relief, knowing that I am no longer responsible for the ultimate direction of my life. God is in control and if I look to Him in every direction, He will be there with his arms open wide ready to catch me when I fall and hold my hand when I walk through unknown territory.
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I want to encourage you with this: if you are in a place of confusion, frustration, bitterness, or anything like that, don't close off your heart from God. Open yourself up to hearing from Him, other adults or even specific mentors in your life. . . When we place ourselves in a position to hear from God, He will speak if we only let Him.
We are not meant to walk through life's challenges alone. He wants to walk with us and carry us when we don't want to deal with pain and anger anymore. Pray more than you want to, and don't hold back from what you want to tell God. He knows your thoughts already so be honest with Him and tell Him what you're feeling. Ask Him to use your situation for His glory and to grow you. Don't expect for God to give you what you want all the time. Be prepared for Him to bring others into your life who can speak truth to you, challenge you, urge you on, and encourage you when you want to give up. He doesn't give us the easy way out for a reason, and I am learning to be thankful for that.
God didn't create us for individual faith but for community where we can surround one another and go through life together. In the moments of isolation and closing ourselves off from other believers and from hearing God's voice, those are the moments when the enemy swoops in and attacks us, filling our head with lies, confusion, and pain that often feels unbearable. Surround yourself with people you love and trust, and who have your best interest at heart, and who genuinely want to see you grow in faith and relationship with God, and watch your life significantly change and mold to be more like Jesus.
We are never too far gone to where God cannot help us.
We are never alone in this fight against evil.
We will never have it all figured out on our own.
We will never experience freedom from our trials without God.
We can't expect our lives to improve when we don't allow God to change, humble, and grow us.
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I hope this jumbled collection of my thoughts and lessons from the past 2-3 months encourages and challenges you in some way.
I am so glad to be back blogging. I needed the break, but God let me know it was time to get back in the saddle, and after a few weeks of fighting it due to fear and conflicting thoughts, I opened my laptop and began to write.
Thank you to my friends who encouraged me to do what God has called me to do, whether other people support it or like it. I have gained so much in life from hearing other's stories and from gaining new perspectives through devotionals, blogs, youtube channels, personal conversations with others, and through worship that I want to be able to share in my own way.
For the first few weeks of school I didn't feel qualified to share my story anymore, and I was worried that people were annoyed with what I was saying and didn't care. . . I learned that God doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies the called. . . I needed to double check my intentions for why I shared what I did, and take a break to work through personal situations. All semester I have learned to fight the battle where the battle is. . . but when God called me back to sharing my story I knew He would give me the words to say and the courage to be open and vulnerable, removing that fear of rejection from anyone who doesn't want to hear my words. I don't need for other to support or approve of what God calls me to do, because when God calls us to something we jump in completely and don't look around to what others think of us. Knowing God is with us and we are doing what He wants is enough.
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"Grace be with you all." Hebrews 13:25
Sarah Joy
It has been a while since I wrote. . . and I am finally back to blogging after a seriously needed break, and taking a step back from being under the spotlight while I figured some things out in life.
First off, God is good. Can I get an amen? I am unbelievably blessed and experiencing God in ways I have never seen before. I'm in such awe that I almost don't know what to do with what I am learning and witnessing. . .
Second, I ended last semester with such a strong passion for continuing my calling into ministry at Ozark after a few months of spiritual battles where I fought back and forth on where to take my life. I am pleased to inform any of you who were not aware that I am not transferring schools anymore and I am where God has called me.
That same passion continued on throughout the summer and I was fueled daily with an excitement to come back to campus and continue to fuel the fire in the community I have grown to love beyond belief. Working in a secular environment all summer was rough at times, but God was faithful and reminded me in the hardest times that it doesn't matter what criticism I receive for being "different" from all the other college students who sleep around, get drunk, or hop around from one relationship to another. He has chosen me and called me to be a light in those places. I was able to share parts of my story with multiple coworkers and people this summer I never thought would ask or be receptive to what I had to say. I don't say any of this to brag, but only to show how God is faithful and how He is always guiding us if we seek Him and allow Him to work.
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-
However, coming back to campus this year seemed like one hit after another. . . Within a week before moving back to Joplin in August, my dorm shut down for a year long remodel and we were all relocated to another dorm in an entirely new community of girls we barely knew, and a community of girls who had already established friendships together. Coming into that was terrifying and a shock. It took me for a turn, and that was only the beginning.
Within days of moving into school again, different parts of my life began to change and shift dramatically, which opened up the door to two and a half months of crazy and painful growth in my faith and how I love.
I have learned so much this semester already that my head is spinning and I would have to write a book to explain what all I have learned about my calling as a believer, how I should be loving others (both those that I am friends with and those whom I struggle with) and how to share my story the best way I can with those around me.
I will try to touch base on some of the most significant life changes and lessons I have experienced this semester already.
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-
First of all, I realized I am so imperfect in many ways I never realized in the past twenty years of life, and the past two years of being a born again Christian. By the grace of God I have begun a journey of accepting myself and learning to see myself how God sees me.
I have learned what it looks like to be open and receptive to constructive criticism from those around me. I cannot see my life from the outside, but those I live my life with know me better than I know myself some days. They came alongside me and worked with me so patiently (and sometimes impatiently when I was a pain. . . so most of the time) through a time of learning and frustration as I had to give up and shift major areas of my life to allow for God to guide me through transitions and mold me in beautiful and hard ways.
I learned, that while I am often in a position of leadership or being looked at as a role model, I need to be make sure I am not the wisest person around me. I can always learn from others, and I should never stop growing or trying to better myself. I tend to take on the personality characteristics of those I am around whether these people are good influences or not. I had to take a step back and analyze my own actions and intentions for those I was spending my time with. Was there anything wrong with being around any of these people? Not at all. The problem was letting my guard down so much that I forgot to be that role model to any of the freshman I spent my time with and to remind them to stay focused on what matters and not to get carried away in the things of the world. After I took some serious time away to let God shift my focus, I was able to approach some of those same students and friends and pay close attention to how I act, why I act that way, and if I am being true to myself. Now we have friendships that encourage one another and show acceptance and grace in life.
Nothing is wrong with me adopting the characteristics of those I am around, in fact it is part of the reason I am able to mesh so well with multiple different groups of people. The problem was when I was unaware of how their behaviors would influence me. This was definitely a new experience for me, but now I am able to look at these new students I live life with and see how God has already began to change them and mature them in Him for His glory. Do I get frustrated with some of the people I am around at least daily? Of course, but by the grace of God I am able to hold my tongue at times and examine my heart to remember that I used to be someone that was difficult to love, but a few special people chose to walk alongside me in my hard-to-tolerate days and walk me through the darkest days to my life now. We are not called to love the cool kids or to love those who like us. . . We are called to love and to show love to everyone, whether we like them or not, and whether they are difficult to love or not.
-
-
That is another lesson I have learned- loving those who we don't get along with or who don't like us. What does that look like to me? It used to look like ignoring them and acting like they didn't bother me so I wasn't a nuisance and they could live life without me in the way. . . and sometimes it included pretending like I had it all together because the people pleaser in me wanted so desperately for them to like me. How silly for me to think I can control what someone else thinks of me. . . I allowed it to go to my head so deeply that I began to shape my actions around how I would look to those people in hopes I would be accepted by them or admired for "who I was". Selfish and boastful much?
It was incredibly humbling when one of my dear friends came alongside me and told me that she had observed I was not being my true self around some people, and when I heard those words I knew in my heart exactly what moments she was referencing. From then on I was able to take my prayers for my own life and shift them towards those I had a difficult time getting along with, or for those who didn't like me. I began to pray blessings over them every morning, and sometimes I would ask God to help them through specific situations I knew were coming up for them. I had learned months ago that praying for those you are not on good terms with can actually cause your heart to shift and you begin to appreciate them and love them more.
Going off of that, while I may not be friends with some of these people, and they may not want to talk to me when I see them, I have learned that it is alright for that to happen. Loving someone doesn't mean I have to be close friends with them. I can love them by praying for them, not acting like a jerk around them, not doing things to deliberately hurt them or make them feel bad from afar, or even invading into their space. This has been one of the most difficult challenges thus far, but each day is a new learning process and I'm able to make it through when I remember that Jesus loved those he didn't get along with either. . .
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From there I have also learned what trusting God looks like in a whole new way. Surrendering certain areas of our lives to God hurts in a way I cannot describe, but as I look at other mentors in my life and the past hurts I have experienced God used every one of those to bring me the sense of peace and thankfulness that I have today. My story hasn't been easy, nor do I want people to think I have it all figured out now, but when life is challenging and I don't like where God is taking me or what He tells me to give over to Him, I know in my heart that He is saying "trust me. . . I'm going to give you something even better than what you have now."
Learning to apply trust to my life is something I thought I already had figured out. How I was wrong. . . We are never in a place where we know it all, cannot learn from anyone else, are too busy to hear from God, or too good to need input from others about ways we can change and grow. Being in a position of hearing from those who are wiser than us is one of the smartest things we can do to grow closer to God and grow in our faith. What better way to grow and mature than from listening to those who have gone through the same things or lived longer than we have?
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Another major area of my life I have learned to give to God is how I handle friendships with other people. I am not perfect, nor are my friends and peers. I cannot expect other people to always make me happy, to never frustrate me, to never hurt me, and to always be okay with the things I do. I am a very loud, crazy, sarcastic, and often blunt person in the things I say and do. I have learned to be cautious in how I go about expressing my personality because I can hurt those closest to me without realizing it. I also need to be careful how open I am with certain people when it comes to sarcasm because not everyone is always receptive to certain jokes at a specific time, or maybe they are in a place where they are sensitive and may be offended by what they would normally find funny. I have had to understand that people go through things each day and will have days where things are off and I need to be able to step back and ask them what they need from me rather than assuming I can fix everything with a joke or dramatic behavior. I am dramatic and energetic most of the time with those I am most comfortable around, but not everyone is able to take that positively everyday. I have had to learn to check myself and look at why I feel the desire to express myself in this way so often. . .
What I have learned is, because of the past few years when I suffered from depression and anxiety, I wasn't very happy and didn't have much in life to make me smile. So now I will take any opportunity I have to share life and joy with those around me and any excuse to laugh or smile.
I thrive off of feeling the joy of the Lord now, especially in moments where I know I would be experiencing incredible sorrow if it weren't for the hope I have recently found again in God. When I look to how the situation I am in now plays into eternity, I am learning to let go and let God. Not all the problems we face are worth getting upset over or stressing over about. There are some things we just need to surrender to God and then continue on with our life.
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Finally, learning how to give God my anxiety and worry was one of the first things I had to do this semester. For those who aren't aware, I am finally off my anxiety medication that I began taking in March of this year. I have been medication free for just about a month. A week or so into not taking the medication I experienced some not so great sickness and vertigo, which was about 2 weeks ago. I was in bed for a few days experiencing severe dizziness, nausea, and didn't have an easy time getting around or walking. I finally got my strength back and was able to get back to life as usual. I made it to a place where I no longer need medication. Praise God! I know some people are not able to share in that same feeling of relief I am, and I empathize with you in that, but I also encourage you to continue to have hope in God that He will use this situation for good even if it is different than my anxiety journey turned out.
Will I still struggle with general anxiety on occasion? Yes, I am human and I will freak out and be nervous from time to time. Everyone is anxious sometimes. Everyone. However, I am learning not to dwell on things I have no control over and to limit my negative comments over things that don't have significant meaning or longterm effects on me. I don't use anxiety as an excuse in life anymore. Life stinks sometimes, but I have been so much healthier since focusing on the positive aspects of life and giving up those moments of annoyance and those desires to complain over something insignificant. Life is too short to sit and focus on the negative things. Its so much better when we focus on the good things in life and have the courage to step away from negativity to find fulfillment in the positive and uplifting areas of life. Sure, sometimes we need to vent or be upset, but we cannot let that define us or become what defines us. Our words, thoughts, and actions reflect what is in the heart.
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Having a handful of close friends who are genuinely in love with Jesus, encourage me daily when I need it, show me what it feels like to be loved regardless of my imperfections, pray me through the night when all I feel is pain and fear, and let me show my raw side of tears, anger, and hope has been one of the blessings I never expected this semester. That verse "iron sharpens iron" has a new meaning to me today.
What I was so nervous for in being forced to move to another dorm God used for good. I have learned to step out and be confident in who I am, not rely on others for what God alone can give me, and learned what it feels like to have a sense of peace in being on my own (whether that be going to church alone or spending the day without anyone around.) These are ways that God has revealed Himself to me, because months ago I was not in a place to do some of these things. . .
Going to a church of 2,000 on my own some weeks can be intimidating, but each week I meet new people and have a sense of freedom to dive into the message and hear from God without the distraction of friends sitting beside me. Not expecting my friends to always know what to say or do when I'm going through trials was difficult, but feeling God beside me in ways others can't always be has been such a neat experience. God truly is our refuge.
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The past two and a half months are over, but the next few months will continue to grow and shape me even more. Being okay with change and letting God take control of my life isn't always easy, but as soon as I place my situation or struggle into God's hands I experience relief, knowing that I am no longer responsible for the ultimate direction of my life. God is in control and if I look to Him in every direction, He will be there with his arms open wide ready to catch me when I fall and hold my hand when I walk through unknown territory.
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I want to encourage you with this: if you are in a place of confusion, frustration, bitterness, or anything like that, don't close off your heart from God. Open yourself up to hearing from Him, other adults or even specific mentors in your life. . . When we place ourselves in a position to hear from God, He will speak if we only let Him.
We are not meant to walk through life's challenges alone. He wants to walk with us and carry us when we don't want to deal with pain and anger anymore. Pray more than you want to, and don't hold back from what you want to tell God. He knows your thoughts already so be honest with Him and tell Him what you're feeling. Ask Him to use your situation for His glory and to grow you. Don't expect for God to give you what you want all the time. Be prepared for Him to bring others into your life who can speak truth to you, challenge you, urge you on, and encourage you when you want to give up. He doesn't give us the easy way out for a reason, and I am learning to be thankful for that.
God didn't create us for individual faith but for community where we can surround one another and go through life together. In the moments of isolation and closing ourselves off from other believers and from hearing God's voice, those are the moments when the enemy swoops in and attacks us, filling our head with lies, confusion, and pain that often feels unbearable. Surround yourself with people you love and trust, and who have your best interest at heart, and who genuinely want to see you grow in faith and relationship with God, and watch your life significantly change and mold to be more like Jesus.
We are never too far gone to where God cannot help us.
We are never alone in this fight against evil.
We will never have it all figured out on our own.
We will never experience freedom from our trials without God.
We can't expect our lives to improve when we don't allow God to change, humble, and grow us.
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I hope this jumbled collection of my thoughts and lessons from the past 2-3 months encourages and challenges you in some way.
I am so glad to be back blogging. I needed the break, but God let me know it was time to get back in the saddle, and after a few weeks of fighting it due to fear and conflicting thoughts, I opened my laptop and began to write.
Thank you to my friends who encouraged me to do what God has called me to do, whether other people support it or like it. I have gained so much in life from hearing other's stories and from gaining new perspectives through devotionals, blogs, youtube channels, personal conversations with others, and through worship that I want to be able to share in my own way.
For the first few weeks of school I didn't feel qualified to share my story anymore, and I was worried that people were annoyed with what I was saying and didn't care. . . I learned that God doesn't call the qualified, but He qualifies the called. . . I needed to double check my intentions for why I shared what I did, and take a break to work through personal situations. All semester I have learned to fight the battle where the battle is. . . but when God called me back to sharing my story I knew He would give me the words to say and the courage to be open and vulnerable, removing that fear of rejection from anyone who doesn't want to hear my words. I don't need for other to support or approve of what God calls me to do, because when God calls us to something we jump in completely and don't look around to what others think of us. Knowing God is with us and we are doing what He wants is enough.
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"Grace be with you all." Hebrews 13:25
Sarah Joy
Monday, June 25, 2018
Our 2 Year Anniversary!!!
Hey all! I hope your summer has been all you hoped it would be so far!
I am excited to write this post for you today. It is nearing one of my favorite times of the year, and I am anxious to see what the Lord will do in my heart and life in the days leading up to this. What day is this you may ask?
I am excited to write this post for you today. It is nearing one of my favorite times of the year, and I am anxious to see what the Lord will do in my heart and life in the days leading up to this. What day is this you may ask?
July 6
The 2 year anniversary of the day I
recommitted my life to Christ!
On this day 2 years ago I turned my life around and began living to honor God instead of for the approval of others and myself. I had fallen into a hole of self pity, depression, anxiety, and fear. I felt alone, trapped, and worthless. Some days I had a difficult time getting myself out of bed, anxious thoughts flooded my mind constantly, I couldn't enjoy things that usually made me smile, and often my chest felt so heavy it almost seemed like I was in a box.
The day I surrendered my sorrows, fear, anxiety, and heart to God He began to transform me. From that day on the fire has not died and I am still living sent as a child of God. I cannot imagine where I would be now had that change never occurred. I am in awe knowing that all of the difficulties my family and I endured in the 2 years leading up to that moment in my life were shaping me to be able to handle the rest of my future.
I am reminded that every trial prepares us for what lies ahead. God is preparing in advance what He needs us to do, and I am so thankful that He was with me every step of the way through my depression in high school and freshman year of college.
Now, I'm not saying I don't struggle anymore. . . I still suffer from anxiety from time to time and tend to battle with fear when I let my guard down and become overwhelmed and take my focus off of God. Yet He is with me fighting those battles against the devil and walking beside me as He leads me on by the Holy Spirit.
He uses those quiet moments in my car to speak to me through the silence in my mind or the words sang on the radio. He uses people around me to lift me up and urge me to push on. He sends amazing believers to encourage me in my worship and music so that I am reminded why I began leading worship in the first place. He even brought me to a place I was against in order to shape my life for ministry. I am forever thankful for Ozark and how it changed my life for the better.
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Looking back now, July 6, 2016 doesn't seem that far away but thinking back on all that has taken place since then is unbelievable. God has been so good, and I cannot even begin to explain all He has done in my life- I'd for sure forget something and leave details out!
July 6 will be a day of celebration for me in the years to come. It has become a day I am reminded of who I am and where I have been so that I am ready for where I will go.
Overcoming trials is never easy, and often times we are never completely over them, but God is faithful, and with Him we will win the battle against the enemy. He has already won, remember?
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As I prepare to celebrate my 2 year anniversary of being a born-again Christian I am excited to remember and look ahead to what all God has in store for me! Some people may not understand how special this day is to me, but that's okay.
I will go to sleep the night before excited to wake up and remember that day like it was yesterday. I was at a massive conference surrounded by thousands of other teenagers, sitting in a bleacher chair praying to God for healing and strength, sobbing loudly with my best friends praying over me, and Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) being played by the band.
In that moment my chains of burden and fear were lifted and I experienced a weight lifted from my shoulders. In those few seconds of relief God assured me that I was going to make it through this, my life meant something, and I could not give up. The life I wanted to give up on and stop the pain of, God wanted to redeem and restore for His glory. Now I am able to share my story with others and give them a light in their dark world, like a dear lady did for me many years ago. My only hope is to be half as amazing of a counselor someday as the lady that changed my life with her mental health practice.
If God can meet a stubborn, sassy mess like me personally in a room of thousands of people, He can meet you. Don't keep shutting Him out. Open up your heart and welcome Him. Trust me- you won't regret it.
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In moments where I used to sob, worry, and hide. . . I now laugh, raise my hands, and worship openly to God.
"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
- Philippians 1:6
"Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed."
-Joshua 23:14
Sarah
Friday, May 11, 2018
Beauty in the Pain
Hey all!
Its so good to be writing to you from my comfy bed at home in Iowa! This 4th semester of college was a year of incredible growth, and I am honestly sitting here in awe at all God has shown me and done for me since January alone.
Back in January, as I wrote in some previous posts, I was struggling pretty bad with anxiety again. It had taken a big toll on my school life as well as my social life. The only positive that came from that relapse of anxiety for me was realizing who the hand that held my way through it all belonged to. God brought me to a place where I was able to fully surrender to Him and follow the direction of the Holy Spirit.
Through this semester I have learned to recognize when the Holy Spirit is prompting me to do something or to turn away from something else. In addition to learning how to recognize this prompting, I have understood how to act on it and follow the call. . . This has been one of the most difficult but also rewarding things I have learned the past few months.
God has done so much for me in the past year of school, but this past semester was the most difficult, most rewarding, most emotional, most frightening, but also most beautiful. The people I have met and developed relationships with have blessed my life and I am so thankful for the community I have now. I have gained a much greater sense of peace and knowledge of how to slow down and simply be in the presence of my Lord. Even as I'm sitting here writing this post I am quietly listening to instrumental music with lights dimmed beside me, dwelling on the goodness of the Savior and feeling incredibly refreshed.
My best friend Gaby and my roommate Gracelyn both wrote me a sweet letter before I moved out of the dorms on Thursday. In these letters they both reminded me to slow down every once and a while. This is something I have always struggled with, but I have been challenged to practice. How rewarding it has been to be able to practice slowing my brain down and enjoying the present moment! I am so grateful for these wise women God has placed in my life who have challenged me and prayed over me in my moments of weakness and fear.
Another thing I have learned to take to heart the past month is my sense of self-worth and rewriting an identity based off of Christ and not what others around me say or what they are like. Being able to be confident in my own skin has been something I've struggled with since middle school after being teased so frequently for who-knows-what and having a diminished idea of who I was supposed to be. I have hidden behind a wall of sarcasm since I can remember, in order to block out any chance of being hurt. Through slowly breaking down this wall I have been able to keep my personality of sarcasm while being real with people and vulnerable when I'm hurting or need help.
One of the biggest things with breaking down this wall of sarcasm I hid behind for so long was admitting to myself that I was hiding from who I really wanted to be. I wanted to be sensitive and able to reach out for help, or to let people tell me that I didn't have to do everything on my own. . . but that was so difficult for me. Instead, I would do my absolute best to make everyone laugh and have a good time because I believed thats how I got people to like me, not by being who I felt God telling me I was.
Now I am able to confidently open up to friends with my struggles and have them pray over me; I can tell jokes and make people laugh because of the joy Christ has filled me with; I can cry when life becomes too much for me to handle on my own, or even when life is so beautiful I am filled with absolute happiness; I can be a light for someone else who has lost the way similar to how I once had; I can even shamelessly admit I am not perfect and words do hurt me, but I am able to look to the truth of who God's Word says I am.
How was this change possible? P.R.A.Y.E.R. Lots and lots of time spent in prayer and shutting out the voices that tell me I'm not good enough, or the doubts of failure. I am a perfectionist, and when I lose control of life I tend to freak out. When I let God take control and guide me, His Spirit guided me to a place of peace where I knew I could trust what He was doing and who He says I am. Sometimes I just had to speak truth over myself and verbally banish the voices in my head.
My room at school became a private war room where I prayed many prayers in the middle of the day, hiding from the pain outside the door. I would pray at my desk with tears streaming down my face because the fear was overwhelming. I would pray in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and the confusion of the world became too much. Yet, after a few weeks I began to pray throughout the day different prayers of thankfulness for the ways God guided, provided, and delivered me in ways I never would have imagined. So much of the purpose behind my past trials came to light through April and May, and I praise God for all of it.
I hope that whoever occupies that dorm room next is able to feel the Spirit when they're in there, because He was definitely with me through each tear shed and every laugh that was carried down the hall.
I am so thankful. I'm so thankful I can't list everything that God has done. I just want to encourage you to continue on and to fight the good fight with the Mighty Warrior by your side. He has already won the battle, so when you follow Him and hold His hand along the way, you can have faith that you are in good hands.
Never give up on this life. No matter how long and dark the tunnel you are in seems, there is always a brighter light shining on the other end. Every trial is followed up with a reward of some kind. Being able to view pain and hardship with that perspective has allowed my eyes to be open to seeing the growth happen in the moment instead of being so closed off to the idea of change and growth that I miss it all. Don't get me wrong, trials are still hard, but I have a sense of peace for the end and a faith that God is in control and He's taking care of me. Knowing it will all be for a greater purpose than anything I could imagine diminishes the confusion some days.
As I'm finishing up this post, the two songs Reckless Love by Cory Asbury and Tremble by Mosaic MSC come to mind. These are two of my favorite worship songs currently. They have seen me through some of my worst and best moments this semester. My roommate will tell you how much I have been playing and singing these songs the past month. I would walk into my room, be studying, talking about something, or even taking a nap, and all of a sudden just grab my guitar and sit on my bed and play these songs out with all my heart.
Worship has always been my key form of spending time with God, and these songs have been my way of doing that this spring. As I think about the lyrics to these songs I am emotional thinking about all God has done and all He will do. I sit in awe as I think of who He is and why He chose me to be a part of His plan.
I love the opportunity to sit and write my heart and thoughts out for all of you, and I love the support and encouragement I get from everyone who takes the time to read my words. You all have blessed this writing journey of mine, and I am grateful I get to share my testimony with everyone.
Go in peace, my friends.
~Sarah Joy
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Faith over Fear
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