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I wanted to share some thoughts with you this morning on being alone and making the best of loneliness. Now, I know what most of you are thinking and no, I am not about to write on how to survive being single. I mean how to handle being alone when everyone else around you seems to have other time commitments and you feel lonely without people around you. For those of you who know me, you know I am more of an extrovert and I love people. Most of the time you can find me in my room doing homework with at least one person sitting across the room doing their own studying. I don't need to talk to them at all, I just feel comforted knowing someone is close by.
However, as you get farther in your college experience, people have other things they need to do and friends end up spending multiple hours and even a day or two before they can sit and talk with each other. For me, not talking is difficult. I say everything that comes to mind even if its completely dumb or if its super profound (lets be honest, that doesn't happen much. . . ha!)
As I discovered within the first week of classes (I am just starting week 4) I will spend most of my afternoons alone while my friends are out doing various things when I have nothing else planned. At first this terrified me and I was really bitter about it. My friend Anna would come to my room before she left for work to tell me to find something fun to do so I wasn't so lonely while she was gone.
One afternoon she came and said she was going outside to just sit and enjoy the sunshine by herself. She had invited me, but I didn't want to go sit outside that day. If I'm being honest, I was feeling upset and didn't want to be around someone if there was a chance I might need to cry for a little bit. Finally she encouraged me to at least do something with my time alone so I could refresh my mind and relax a little. So that afternoon I took an hour to turn my phone completely off and sit and read a book that I loved (for fun, wow!) and just make the most of my time being by myself. Little did I know that hour would make a huge difference.
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I began to learn something that day: If God has placed me (this crazy, sarcastic, and dorky extrovert who is loud and loves being around people) in a regular situation where I am not around others for a semester, there must be a purpose for it.
Through this process of adapting to being on my own, I began to knock out one homework assignment after another, with a small break to play guitar and sing in between work. Sometimes I would listen to music on Spotify, and other days I would watch an episode on Netflix between different projects. Before too long I began to look forward to my afternoons where I was by myself.
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Most people who have read my blog for the past few years know that I struggle with anxiety. It definitely comes and goes and I've been able to handle it pretty well, but every few months I'll go through a slightly anxiety-inducing situation and feel nervous or "off" for a few days, or a week or two. Well, last week I began to feel anxious and nervous again and of course I began to panic that it was coming back. I took time to sit down with some close friends and open up to them about potential reasons why I was nervous, and through those conversations I saw various obstacles that were holding me back from peace and comfort.
I noticed that I had let my homework creep up on me and I was trying to do a few days worth of work in one afternoon because I thought I had more time to get away with putting it off. I was overthinking some friend situations that had no real threat to me. I wasn't feeling very good and I was letting that affect how much and how well I was eating. Finally, I was not spending good, healthy time with Jesus like I would normally do.
In the craziness of moving back to school I had lost some of the vital time I spent with Him. I would still have some time before bed every night when I sat with Him and would pray, but I was missing those times throughout the day when I would simply talk to Him about what was on my mind and I wasn't remembering to look for Him in my daily life. When I realized a small way to move past each of those obstacles, and certain people talked with me about how some of my fears were unrealistic, and I made it a conscious decision to make sure I was involving God in my afternoons I began to see some changes.
I want to encourage you with this: whatever situation you are placed in right now, whether that be constantly around people when you are craving to be alone in a dark room, or completely alone when all your heart longs for is a big group to talk with, God has placed you in that situation for a reason. Maybe He is trying to remind you that He has given you other people as a way to share in the joys of life or He wants to encourage you into pouring into the lives of others. If you're alone maybe God is reminding you that He is enough for you in those quiet moments. Or maybe, if you're like me, He was forcing you to slow down and be okay with not running all over the place every day and to sit and take in all the stillness of life while it is here and available.
God is so good, and who are we to question the way He provides and guides us? Trust is not something that comes easy to me, but there were times I would audibly have to tell God (more of in a confession way so I could remind myself) that I trusted God in whatever He was doing. Out of that came some of the greatest gifts to begin this semester with and I am so thankful for that.
When we are in a place where we are struggling to be okay with where He has placed us, look around and try to examine what He wants you to learn from the place you are in. Maybe you're like me and God needed to use a big obstacle to get your attention because you're stubborn and don't like to do things for yourself very often. Whatever it may be, listen to Him and trust that He knows what is best for you and will bring you exactly what you need in the right moment. He will always go beyond your expectations when you give Him full control.
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Rest in that this afternoon. . .
~Sarah Joy
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