Sorry I've been gone for a few days- the Christmas season really keeps everyone busy. Not to mention I've been taking some time to myself over break to really recharge.
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So far my Christmas has been pretty enjoyable. As always it flew by really quickly, but I had a good time none the less. My favorite present this year was an ESV version of a journaling Bible. I'd seen pictures of these illustrations all over Pinterest and Instagram, but I never thought I'd have my own Bible to draw and color in! I'm definitely no artist, and I have to copy pictures from the internet, but here is my first Bible journal illustration.
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And that's what I want to write about today: keeping that joy during the holidays. Now, you may be asking to yourself "why is she writing about being bitter during Christmas?!" but it's because I struggle with feeling bitter during Christmas, or any holiday really. Why is this? Because I struggle with feeling lonely when everyone else seems to have someone. Understand now? Allow me to continue.
You may not know this, but until 7 months ago I was in a relationship of over 2 years, and after it ended I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself. My best friend who I had talked to about everything and gone to every event with was no longer in that part of my life. . . This made holidays extremely difficult. The mess of deciding whether to break up or not began on Valentine's Day, so you can only guess how difficult that weekend was to celebrate. Throughout the summer it wasn't so bad, and with college starting there was something new to keep me busy. Once the holidays started with Halloween and Thanksgiving, though, then everything started to come back to me. I was determined not to allow my loneliness to prevent me from enjoying my Christmas. I refuse to register the pain of a breakup at the holiday season every year. I knew if I allowed the pain to overtake me this time, it stands an even better chance of doing that again next year. . .
I'm not even sure how to deal with the bitterness that being lonely can bring, but I do know someone who wants to help those who deal with this. Jesus. It doesn't even have to be relationally; it could be with family or even a friend.
Dealing with loneliness is difficult, especially when you're someone who loves to build relationships with people and sit down to talk things through. Not having certain people in your life at certain times of the year can begin to feel unnatural and upsetting. When you feel lonely it can be hard to open up to anyone, especially someone new, even if you've known them for a long time. Opening up for the first time is incredibly intimidating.
Running to Jesus with our hearts can seem silly and frightening when we already don't feel happy with how things are, because we know He's going to do what is best either way. Sometime that's scary. I know I struggle with giving Jesus my heart, simply because for me it's hard to really see Jesus as someone to give my heart to. I can't visually see him, although I see what he does in my life. I can't audibly hear him, but somehow he still speaks to me. And I can't physically touch him, but somehow I still feel his spirit in me when I feel weak.
Even if you want to totally give your heart to Jesus, something like that isn't just common sense for a "how-to." I'm not even sure I fully understand this either. I do know how comforting and freeing it can be to give your heart to Jesus, but I'm honestly just not sure how to do that. I have the same thoughts about surrendering all your anxiety to Christ. I'm just not sure what all this means.
When it comes to all this I understand that I should seek out and try to find out more on what all this means, but when it all comes down to it, there's not a 4 page long instruction manual.
Everyone's relationship with Christ is special and unique. The one thing we all have in common is that we'll see each other in Heaven someday, praising God together in paradise for eternity. Because of the uniqueness from everyone's relationships with Christ, while we can encourage each other and help when one another out when we can, it's impossible to know how to handle situations or understand things black and white.
We all have different perspectives on things based on how we've experienced God in our own lives. For me? I understand His faithfulness and love because of how I've seen it at work in my life this past year. When I needed a pick-me-up He provided one. When I felt like giving up He showed me another reason to keep going. And when I felt all alone and bitter He showed me I have so much to be grateful for and that brings me joy.
If we allow ourselves to be overcome with the bitterness of different circumstances, such as loneliness, we'll miss the greater scheme of things! If I had never gone to see a counselor this past year I may never have found my purpose in life and realized where God wanted me to take my studies in college. If I had never gone to that EFCA conference this past summer I would not have experienced the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit that I did, and I may not have recommitted my life to Christ. If I had dwelt on the bitterness that can sometimes accompany a breakup, and believed all of the lies Satan tried to feed me about not being good enough, failing in so many areas, and never finding anyone else, I would've blocked out any chance at loving myself for who God sees me as.
The bitterness in our lives may seem overpowering, and maybe even make us feel better in a way, but honestly, all that bitterness does is distract us from the bigger picture. How do I try to refrain from surrendering to the bitterness that life tries to throw at me? I focus on what God is trying to tell me in the midst of the pain and suffering. Theres always something, otherwise there would be no point in pain.
What's my proof for this? Jesus Christ underwent the most painful experience of all. Through this suffering, AND ONLY THIS SUFFERING, those who choose to life for and follow him will experience eternal life in Heaven someday. We were supposed to be on that cross. We were supposed to take care of our own sins. Instead Jesus took our place and felt the worst pain imaginable because He wanted us to be with him in Heaven someday, and He wanted to show us how much we are loved by him. So the next time you feel like your overwhelming pain is pointless, just remember this: God often reveals the biggest truths during/after the worst storms.
2 Corinthians 1:4
"Who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
Sarah
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