As you may notice, the background of my blog has changed once more. That is mainly due to the confusion on my side for uploading new posts- sometimes a simpler layout is better!
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So for my Bible class (Developing Spiritual Disciplines) we had to spend an hour in solitude and silence then write a 2 paged paper reflecting how it went, what we did, etc. I was excited at first, but also nervous. I have a hard time sitting still or quieting my thoughts.
Spending
this time in solitude and silence was not an easy thing for me to do. With the
weather not cooperating and having such a busy schedule I had a difficult time
getting away for a while, especially without feeling rushed to my next
commitment. I was able to take my puppy for a walk and jog down the road for a
while, just enjoying the fresh air. I tried to take in the sights around me and
be thankful for free time. I also just laid down and looked at everything
outside. I talked to God as if He were right beside me giving me counsel and
talking to me.
Different Christian songs I’ve been
singing and listening to constantly over the past few days kept coming to me.
These words especially be Tauren Wells new song “Hills and Valleys” kept coming
to mind and I had a hard time clearing my head from them. “You’re God of the
hills and valleys, and I am not alone.” I have a hard time quieting the
thoughts in my head, but there were a few times I had quiet for a few seconds
where I would just be still.
When I first laid down I simply asked,
“God, what do you need me to know?” I already had a hard enough time going to
lay down right before I did so, so I gathered Satan really must not want me to
be in the quietness right now. Instantly God brought to mind someone I’ve been
having a difficult time with the past few years. We were best friends at one
point and then I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore and I needed space
from the friendship. After many hurt feelings on both sides I’ve felt God
calling me to reach out one more time. So far I am determined to allow God to
rebuild the friendship no matter how painful and difficult.
When this girl came to mind I simply
asked God again, in the quiet of my heart, “what do You want me to do about
it?” Nothing came to me, so I waited. That’s when the song “Hills and Valleys”
came to mind again. I just could not, for the life of me, shake that song from
my head. Granted the song is incredibly catchy, I tried and tried to quiet my
head. Still, I didn’t hear an answer. I’m going to continue to listen for God
to speak in His own time. Maybe something needs to happen with my heart before
He can make it known to me. Otherwise this could be God’s way of teaching me
patience (a quality I truly struggle with) or even how to listen for His
instruction (something I am not skilled at or very familiar with.)
I’m excited for the weather to
improve so I can go drive away and sit outside in God’s creation, a place I
love to go specifically. I looked forward to this time all week, but when it
came I was almost nervous to enter into a time of quiet and stillness.
Near the
end of my time I began to notice my mind wandering to past heartaches and pain,
things I do not like to spend much time pondering. I thought it was Satan
trying to steer me from what God was trying to show to me, and that frustrated
me when I wasn’t able to gain any insight into my situation.
That’s when I was reminded of the
purpose of this exercise: to spend time with God and enjoy His presence.
However difficult it was for me to clear my thoughts and mind and just be with God for a while, I am anxious to
give it another try and slowly become more and more experienced at spending
time in solitude with God, whether He reveals any truths or insights to me or
not.
Prayers would be appreciated as I listen to and wait for God to show me how to handle this situation!
"Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song."
-Psalm 95:1-2 NIV
Sarah
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