Fear #2: Hurting Others

     Hey all! Welcome back to the second post in my series of blog posts on different fears.
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    When we fear something it can mean multiple different things. It could mean that it causes us anxiety, it could mean we are too afraid to touch an animal, and it could mean we can't bear the thought of something.
     Another one of my fears is the fear of hurting others. I've been told more than once that I'm too nice for my own good. How is this? When I need to be honest with a friend I have a hard time doing it because often times the truth can be painful, and I don't want them to get upset. Even picking a restaurant to go to with friends is hard for me because I don't like to risk offending anyone or leaving one of my friends bummed that they don't get their favorite food. . . Another way I fear hurting others is by distancing myself from them for my own health and well-being.
     Friends are truly a gift from God, but that doesn't mean we have to be friends with the exact same people for all of our lives. I've had some friends since I was in diapers, and I've had other friends for only a short portion of high school.
     I used to have a best friend; we did everything together whether that be music, sleepovers, youth events, tagging each other in funny Instagram pictures, and crying together over hard times. We had fun times together, but the older I got the more I realized that we just didn't mesh as well as we used to, and she was turning into someone I didn't want to be like. . . That was hard for me to admit to myself. For the longest time I put up with her frustrating me and cancelling on me all the time, until finally I told her we needed space and I didn't think we should be friends anymore, and that I didn't consider her a best friend anymore. One of the hardest parts of this for me was the fact she had pushed so many other friends away too, and she didn't have any good Christian friends to turn to.
     I will admit as well, that I was going through difficult times in my own life and I may have been overly emotional at times, but the real test was how she helped me when I was down. I needed a friend who would hug me and pray for me, encourage me in Christ, but I never really felt like I got that from her. Over time I didn't exactly see her growing as excited in her faith as I was, and that was hard for me too. When you're passionate about something amazing and your best friend doesn't share the same passions (and this wasn't something like a TV show- it was JESUS) that makes it really hard to bond over your interests. I really needed a friend who would push me towards Christ in the midst of a storm, and the fact she never thought of that worried me.
     I wanted to be able to be a friend to her, but I was drained and almost always frustrated after spending time with her. . . That's when I knew that I needed to end the friendship. . .
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     Sometimes we have to tell the truth, we have to be honest with ourselves, and sometimes we have to put ourselves before our friends. I wasn't going to be able to be the friend I needed to be to my other friends since childhood if I was constantly drained and upset by another friend. Finally accepting that was incredibly hard, but at the same time, not having to worry about being responsible for someone else and always being there for them was a weight off my shoulders.
     I'm not saying to end a long-term friendship if you have fights and they make you mad some days. Definitely not! Any relationship, whether thats in a dating relationship or a friendship, needs the care and commitment that a dating relationship or marriage needs. None of them will work out if you're not willing to work for them. There comes a certain point where ending it would be wiser than to continue.
     I had tried going back multiple times, telling her that I wanted to be able to talk occasionally and maybe hang out for a little bit from time to time, but every time I left frustrated again. The final straw for me was a concert a few months ago: We had talked about this for weeks and had planned out how to make it work. The day before the concert she told me she wasn't going to make it. . . I had bought my ticket and everything; I was ready to go. . . I was so angry, but I never told her that. I just decided then and there that I was done trying. I'll be nice to her when I see her, but I'm not going to hurt myself anymore trying to make an unhealthy friendship work.
     I will say this: I still pray for her. I still care about her. and I let her know that I'm still praying for her. . . I don't want to turn into the bad person she accused me of being by how I handle the situation. I want to spread the light of Jesus in these situations, no matter what they are or how hard they become.
     When it comes to having to hurt my friends or anybody I care about, I need to spend lots of time in prayer before I do it. . . I don't always want to hurt the people I love, but I do want to do the right thing. The important thing is understanding which is the right thing to do, and how to go about doing it.
     If you have a specific situation that comes to mind, I'd love to hear from you! Email me or comment below and I'd love to give my personal opinion. I'm in no way stating I'll be right or to follow my advice, but I would love to help you feel better in any way I can.
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     I hope you have a wonderful week, and remember to find the positives in these first few days back to school! I start tomorrow again and I can't wait!

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you."
John 15:7

Sarah